How to make online dating work

Does online dating really work? Marriages that began with a click on an Internet profile are increasingly common. Why? Because adults today tend to have a limited social world, at least in terms of old-fashioned face-to-face con­tact. In regular dating, of course, you have to put in some love, effort, and commitment to make the relationship work. But in online dating, you have to put a little extra in everything since relationships made online are harder to maintain. You’ll have to put in a little more love, effort, understanding, and commitment. But in addition to that ... Why online dating doesn’t work … and what you should do about it. The last decade has seen an explosion in the number of online dating sites around the world, and the number of people using them. According to some estimates, there are over 8,000 online dating sites worldwide, and over 2,500 in the US alone. The sheer number of singles who use online dating services has already improved dating prospects. It's a numbers game. With so many singles online -- 11 percent of the US population as of 2013 to be exact -- the probability of meeting someone and developing a successful relationship has increased. The platform and scale brought about by these online dating sites have been a huge benefit for ... Online dating expert and author Julie Spira explains the first step toward success is doing a bit of soul searching. Because you want to spend less time with your head down scrolling through profiles and more time meeting women in person over drinks or coffee, you first need to determine what you’re looking for. Online dating generates a spectrum of reactions: exhilaration, fatigue, inspiration, fury. Many singles compare it to a second job, more duty than flirtation; the word “exhausting” came up ... The bottom line: Eight ways to make online dating sites work for you. Set your priorities for online partners. Have in mind your own criteria for what you’re looking for in a partner, not those ... I’ve worked at the online dating site and app Zoosk for over five years now and during that time I’ve seen a lot of profiles and learned a lot about what does and doesn’t work. To help you take your dating profile to the next level and to make sure you start chatting with and meeting more people, there are a few simple things you can do ... Enter online dating experts; they have the expertise and the knowhow to help you get the most dates out of your heavy thumb work. Here’s our no-nonsense guide to making online dating work for ... Can Online Relationships Work? Internet relationships can work if the couple is committed to making it work. An internet relationship is nearly identical to a long-distance relationship, and there are many couples who are proof that love can overcome the distance.If you think you have found a great person online, the hardships of having an internet relationship may be worth it.

Creepy PMs: Internet Support Group for the Creeped-Upon

2012.07.06 19:08 TankorSmash Creepy PMs: Internet Support Group for the Creeped-Upon

A place for people to share the strange and disturbing PMs they get from all over the internet.
[link]


2020.07.10 20:47 tocororos My husband thinks I’ve been having an affair with his arch nemesis for years.

Okay so let me give you all the juicy deets reddit. Me 31F, husband 39M, arch nemesis ~30M

About seven years ago I got really drunk at a bar and had a one night stand with a guy. I thought I’d never see him again but we ended up getting married a few years later. What a fairy tale story! Well about a week after meeting him, I hooked up with this guy I use to work with years ago. No big deal right? Well my future husband and I start dating and I let him know that I had been with someone else recently but I had no problem being exclusive with him. A couple of years go by and the Arch Nemesis (AN) will text me or try to message me through social media. I tell him “I have a boyfriend. Please do not contact me”, then I block him and let my future husband know what happened. Finally I’ve got this guy blocked on every single platform imaginable. It’s been probably five years since I’ve gotten a message from him.

As the years slip by my husband is just stewing about how much he hates AN. I had some sort of idea that he didn’t like this guy but I never knew that it was to this extent. At the beginning of June I was informed that my position at work had been eliminated. Luckily there was another job they were looking to fill that I could move into. Best of a bad situation, but none the less stressful as fuck for me. This was the time the accusations started.

Now it’s going to get real crazy so hang on to your butts. This all started with some old calendars. Yes, I’m a weirdo and keep my old calendars. My husband told me he was going through them to figure out when we first started going to therapy, which I don’t believe for a second. He’s lied a lot in the past which is a whole other conversation. I had made little stars to mark something. I honestly don’t remember what; it was years and years ago. There were other marks too like little dots, X's and whatever. Some of them I remember what they are other I don't. Well my husband associated the stars with what he remembers as a room card key that also had a star on it. It was actually a flash drive that looked like a room card key. It was pretty cool actually. I have a close friend that is in the hospitality industry. They passed out stacks of these things at a conference she went to. On the flash drive were pictures or music. I don’t really remember what. I’ve long since thrown it away. Anyways he thinks I put stars on the days I was going to a hotel to fuck AN. He confronts me and I tell him that’s crazy and stop going through my stuff.

A week later and I get a text while I’m at work. My husband says he knows I’m not at work and I’m at a hotel with AN. He also lets me know that he is leaving me. I was in fact at work and shopping for groceries to grill out all weekend with my loving husband. I call him and calm him down. I get him to agree to get back into therapy ASAP. We have a phone conference with our old therapist and I agree to sit down with my husband so he can interrogate me about every single mark I have made on a calendar for the past seven years. Once we get that done he tells me he has went through all of my bank statements. (Note: we keep separate bank accounts but he is on mine so he can drop bill money in.) Now I have to try to explain any “suspicious” purchases that I’ve made in the last few years. Also he finds an eye glasses prescription that puts me close to where AN lives. Oh wait how would he even know where this guy lives you ask? Because he’s been online stalking him! Yes, he’s looked up his criminal record, all his social media shit, who he hangs out with and where those people live too. He had put together a whole timeline of where this guy lived and where his friends lived. At this point I’m furious and a little scared.

Over the next few weekdays he can’t sleep. He wakes up with nightmares about me cheating on him with AN. He accuses me of actually loving AN more than him and that he knows AN fucks me better than he can. I stay at a friend’s house over the weekend because he’s being crazy and scaring me a lot. After the weekend he’s still being a total asshole to me so I ask him to go stay at his parent’s house for a while. We had a couple joint sessions with the therapist. She isn’t taking sides which blows my mind. He is literally going through all of my stuff to make up some weird stories and online stalking some guy.

Finally, the most recent mind blowing bullshit is that he went through my dirty underwear too! He found a pair that he thought looked “cum stained” and was appalled that I just “left them laying around.” Yeah I’m married to an almost 40 year old man that has no idea how a woman’s body works. I felt completely violated and disgusted. I have no clue why this guy is going fucking nuts.
submitted by tocororos to JustNoSO [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 20:47 black_ankle_county My reflection after getting 176 The Hard Way (TM)

Hi all,
I got a 176 on the June FLEX after getting a 169 in February, a 159 in July 2019, and a 154 in June 2019.
I studied from June-July and then from October-June, so probably a little over 10 months total. This time coincided with my college graduation, my unemployment, and a major health scare for my mom that led to her early retirement. It was HARD to focus, but I stuck with it and cultivated more discipline than I ever needed as a liberal arts boi.
Per some requests, and so i can always remember how I got here...here's how I got here, in effortpost form.
TLDR Bullet Points
  1. Break your goal score into steps; break those steps into habits and routines; trust that process!
  2. Cut out distractions and things that numb your brain.
  3. Start doing things that make you calm, focused, and dilligent. Be kind to yourself
  4. PT and review are the bread and butter. Do them, do them, do them.
  5. Practice the other sections individually.
The Mental ABCs
The LSAT tests patience, focus, and calm, so build habits that improve those traits. Start by figuring out what might inhibit them for you: for me, it was Twitter, video games, and Reddit and Facebook on my phone. So I cut those things out as much as I could and "tested" myself--for example, by trying to go an entire TV show or Netflix movie without checking my phone.
Also, do things that make you feel more calm and focused. Read (more on that later), exercise, try prayer or meditation, bake, take care of plants, make your bed--decide for yourself what's going to be calming and enjoyable and discipline-building for you, and do it every day for like two weeks. A nice side effect of this process is that you'll feel more calm and focused, and less stressed and numb. Our parents are right--the way we use our phones is really unhealthy! I highly advise reforming that use.
Finally, do positive self-talk about the test. Maybe every day when you wake up, say something like "I am doing the work, I am going to keep making progress, and I will get a score I can be proud of." When things feel good, give yourself credit, and when things feel bad, focus on adjustments you can make. A quote I like is from MLB All-Star David Wright, who said that "the only time you should look back on a mistake is to learn from it." You gotta be your own best friend in this process, especially the neurotics who go on this sub (myself included).
PTs and Review
PTs and Review are how you get used to this test and root out your mistakes. That's it. If you do nothing else, do these consistently.
-Khan Academy is a great way to organize this process. Do a diagnostic, set your test date, and plan all 10 practice tests. Pretty great! They have stages and steps based on your goal score, and it's great to stick with them, but I wouldn't beat myself up if I didn't do that consistently, if I was practicing on my own. That said, if you want a simple and effective broke boi way to study, Khan is it. God bless Sal Khan.
-After every PT, block off 2 hours and review wrong answers in a Word/Google doc. Break it up by section, set the date, and copy down/screenshot each question. Then type the answers to these questions:
This is tricky, especially for LR. It takes time and can be elusive. If you get stumped, u/graeme_b's LSAT Hacks is a great resource for a number of PTs you may buy. LINK
If you take one tip away, please review everything. This is how I took the leap from 169 to 176. It stinks, but it's very good and helpful.
Section-specific practice
Break the LSAT into 3 sections and study them accordingly. Caveat: I was a "OK on LR and RC, terrible at AR" test-taker. If you're an AR-first candidate my advice may not be as helpful.
I recommend using the LSAC sample answer sheet here/sample-non-scantron-answer-sheet.pdf) for PTs and even sections. I printed like 200 at work lol.
Each of these sections of tips should be done in accordance with PTs and review.
RC
Stop skimming and learn to read carefully for a long period of time. LSAT passages are inelegant, clunky, dense, verbose, and dry. You can't skim them the way you might skim a class reading in undergrad or a beach book without missing a detail you'll be asked about--and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can adjust.
Tips: Read something for at least 30 minutes per day. Try to read something like the passage type you like the least--for me, I tried to find some natural science magazines--but if nothing else, just read The New York Times/WSJ/Economist articles. Read every word, get through paragraphs without jumping your eyes around, and if you're really feeling zealous try to summarize each paragraph in your head when you finish reading them.
Do some RC sections as needed and you'll start to get used to the readings and the question types as you review.
LR
A doozy. It really is hard to improve consistently, so expect non-linear growth--you might get -1 one day and -6 the next. Press on.
-Pick a guide to LR and read it thoroughly to learn the basics and ID question types. My favorite was Ellen Cassidy's The Loophole (Shoutout u/elementalellen!), which does a great job building from basic argument structures to the nuances of each question type. It really added points to my score when I was plateauing. The PowerScore LR Bible also gets good feedback, and I'm sure the major online systems are fine too. Khan Academy is an OK quick reference, but I wouldn't have done well with that alone. Anyway, pick a guide and digest it thoroughly.
When you do that and start doing PTs, you'll quickly learn which question types are harder for you. I took time to go back to Khan Academy and drill those types up until the end.
-Make a strong list of logical flaws, and study it in your free moments. Mine came from an LSAT prep class my university paid for (it was late night after class and interning, so I never did the homework nor benefitted otherwise), and I later added to it while reading The Loophole. I put the flaws on flash cards, bound them with rubber bands, and whipped out my deck a few times a week when I was sitting on the train or in a waiting room. Over time, you'll hopefully start catching logical flaws as you read the questions.
-Try to catch and critique arguments in the wild. Maybe your uncle's FB status has a necessary assumption, maybe Trump's latest tweet has 2 different logical flaws in it. You get the idea. Make it a game and get used to using the skills you're learning. Be a smartass. Find the loopholes.
AR
My worst section. I could do maybe 5 right in 35 minutes when I started, and improvement did not come easily, but I got to the -3 to -0 promised land, and I guess I did that well in June.
-I can vouch for the PowerScore LG Bible and 7Sage's videos ft. J.Y. Ping aka J.Y. King. Read your Bible, take notes, and do the exercises. It'll help you somewhat and give you a framework to improve from wherever you end up with them. From there, the 7Sage videos are def worth paying for and getting access to. JY is great at explaining solutions and modeling the thought process that will help you get through the sections at a healthy pace. And whenever you do a section on your own or a PT, get in the habit of watching the video for that game and then redoing it as per the 7Sage FoolProof method.
-Just do them and do them and do them. Break up the games by game type and figure out what you're worst at, and drill that type on Khan. Then do that for the other types. Do them as much as you can until you get into the habits of mind to start doing better, and then just do them a consistent amount to keep fresh. If you want an arbitrary number, you can do 4 games per day on Khan, but by no means take that as an absolute guideline. A suggestion: drill down your time on sequencing and don't neglect doing "easy" games of each type. You'll wanna tear through those on the section.
Pulling it all together: My Ideal Routine
-Do a Khan Academy Diagnostic.
-Set up a practice routine and do it, a bit every day (prob 1-2 hours). Pick a time of day and brainstorm focusing activities. Put it all on a calendar or planner. Cross it off as you go.
-Drill LG every day until it starts to click, then keep it up.
-Read every day. Don't skim.
-Get a framework for LR and make logical flaw flash cards. Read them.
-About 2 months out, start doing a section of LG a day or a section of one of the others per day.
-Do your PTs consistently. Build a routine for each test day and keep it consistent.
-The day after a PT, or the same day, do your in depth review.
-Take real breaks when the pressure gets too great, and be kind to yourself.
-As you get closer, focus on the question types/game types/passage types you still struggle with.
-The week before the test, start to ease off and relax.
-The day before, do something fun and have some brain food for dinner (mine was Chick Fil-a grilled chicken after a round of chip-and-putt golf)

Good luck and feel free to message me! This test is a beast but if you develop a strong mindset and good habits, you'll tame it and come out of it with healthy habits and a score you can be proud of. This is, for me, the end of my use of this sub. Thanks for everything!
submitted by black_ankle_county to LSAT [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 20:36 TheRealSisterWives Polyamory - How Much Is Too Much

With all the the fun and excitement the polyamorous life offers, it’s easy to get a little too wrapped up in it. The benefits of poly love can quickly decline into a world of hurt for yourself and the people you care about. Every relationship is different and limitations must be catered to each person involved in a plural marriage or relationship. Even if you’ve set little to no boundaries on the relationship you can still go too far. How do you figure out your personal boundaries and have the courage to express them to your loved ones? How do you pull back and be honest when you’ve slid in the wrong direction?


First of all, you have to find people that are compatible with you from the get-go. As discussed in previous articles, the poly life is not something to dive blindly into. Taking time to search your soul and knowing the relationships that will actually work for you is vital for long term enjoyment in poly dating and relationships. There are differing measures of ‘too much’ for everyone so sharing your thoughts and ideas about boundaries can determine whether or not a medium ground can be found between two people. If that compromise doesn’t really work for you don’t try to force it. You can still be friends, even if it’s only with occasional benefits. As long as any other partners are aware of your situation, you’re golden.


Once you’ve settled on some boundaries and standards with a love interest, don’t be a jerk! It’s one thing to have evolving feelings and desires, it’s another to deceive a lover. Having the courage to be forthcoming about your feelings with your lovers is paramount to maintaining healthy relationships. The very nature of polyamory is to not expect your partner to be exclusively with you, so on the other end of this, also, don’t be a jerk! Don’t draw lines in the sand out of jealousy or fear because there will come a time you’ve met someone of interest and will want your partners to be okay with it. Polyamory is a two way street. To expect all the fun for yourself and none for your lovers is not polyamorous, it’s selfish.


Let’s say you didn’t follow any of this advice and you’ve already been inappropriate with a new interest. If you have a fully open policy it can be okay, but I find most poly people still like to know about these things, even if just for the health safety factor. So, for the sake of this article the situation is that you’ve already taken a new interest too far and your current partners don’t know about it. Sorry to say, you made the mistake so you have to fess up to it. Don’t wait until it’s comfortable for you. Don’t wait until another partner messes up. Don’t dare put it off until you’re breaking up just to hurt your now ex-lover. Be a grown up. If you don’t have the confidence to own up to your relationship mistakes you need to work on yourself before getting involved intimately with others. Depending on your relationships setup, and your partners acceptance, you may even be able to pull in this new person if you have real feelings for them.


That being said, polyamory does not mean a person can run around sleeping with whomever they’d like all the time. That’s not how relationships work. You can sleep with someone you run into once in a while, or when on vacation, or maybe that you’ve met online, occasionally. You can do this if your relationship allows for it, of course. However, you notice the use of the words ‘once in a while’ and ‘occasionally?’ Constantly looking for people to have sex with is not polyamory. If you are always looking for your next sexual encounter instead of enjoying your poly partners it’s actually a sign of a real problem. It could be sex addiction, low self esteem, a sociopathic issue, daddy issues, etc… Seriously though, if you feel a constant need for sex with strangers you should consider seeing a therapist before pursuing a polyamorous relationship. The same goes for people in a poly family or group. A lot of people could get involved, and it depends on what you decide is acceptable, but at some point enough is enough. It can start looking more like you’re running a cult rather than enjoying a family. Be reasonable.


This is where polygamy comes into the picture too. Every family is different, but every family should also be discussing how many sister wives is comfortable for everyone. A man can enjoy looking for sister wives very much, but if he’s making his current sister wives miserable he’s not serving his family properly. Polygamy is not a situation in which a man should be taking advantage of women. It’s a situation where a man is building a family with women while loving and respecting them. Any woman that is considering becoming a sister wife should look for early signs of a man that doesn’t treat women with absolute respect. Polygamy dating should offer a chance for everyone in the family to meet new prospects and allow for the whole family to have input on growing the family.


Every relationship, group, or poly family is going to be unique. Some groups can be happy with very few boundaries, and that’s okay. Most of the time, truthfully, if the situation is too open, someone is getting hurt and just not saying anything. It’s so important to make your relationships something special. Nobody can tell you what to do, but in everything you do, consider the ones you love. Polyamory and polygamy can be rewarding lifestyles, but they can also be very painful if everyone isn’t being honest. Do everything with love and integrity and you’ll at least be on a decent path to a happy poly family.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com
Originally Published at Sister Wives
submitted by TheRealSisterWives to u/TheRealSisterWives [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 19:41 pornxplor Dated a cam girl for almost 2 years.. hated almost every minute of it

So the girl I was dating told me really early on in our relationship that she did cam work which I didn't fully understand until I witnessed it firsthand.
At first I was intrigued and had tons of questions. I was also shocked at how much money she was making. She had a set schedule, got on at the same time every day, was always on for 2-3 hours and that was it.
She never cared if I watched, but after about 3 months she asked, almost insisted, I started doing shows with her. I swear from the outside looking in this seems great, but I can assure you it's not. I reluctantly said yes because I really liked this girl. Plus she convinced me how much more money we could make together.
At first it was kind of fun, and exhilarating. I loved getting compliments and seeing people say stuff like oh I wish I was him, or complimenting my physique. But that was one side of the coin. The other side of it was completely negativity and almost harassment. She used to tell me to just ignore the assholes. Which was easy enough considering it was still fun and new and I was able to make money doing it.
After about 4 or 5 months I started getting sick of it. I wouldn't cam with her for 4 or 5 days. And she was get really shitty with me. And then any time I wanted to have sex she would say well I am getting on a few hours or let's get on right now or let's film it. And I started to really hate the idea of getting intimate with her because it became about something else. It wasn't about sharing a connection with her anymore and we had no privacy anymore because she would basically withhold it from me unless we did it on cam.
I know.. huge red flags. Eventually I gave in and just went on cam with her whenever. The love I felt for her slowly went away and I could see the relationship was going nowhere. I just let it go on and on until finally one day I had enough and she tried to tell me she would tell our friends if I didnt get on cam. I was floored.. I couldn't believe she would try to use that on me. I literally said nothing to her after she said that to me and just started packing my stuff. She was yelling at me, unpacking my shit as I was trying to pack it. Jumped on me, tried to steal my keys. Continued to threaten me, then, flipped a switch and went the complete other way. Just crying and apologizing and saying she would quit and I was just done. I told her I didnt believe a word of it and that if she wanted a fuck puppet to prance around on cam it wasn't gonna be me. I told her there was no sorry for threatening me like that.
That was almost 3 years ago now and I know she still cams. She has reached out multiple times to try to get back together. I had to tell her I would get an order for protection because she wouldn't leave me alone. I have never told any friends or family about this, I have seen vids of us online. I know there I no way to every really get rid of them so I just let it go. I figure I will cross that bridge when I get there if I ever have someone say something to me about it.
submitted by pornxplor to confessions [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 19:30 sxntoryuu I just want someone to listen

We weren’t even in a relationship. It was long distance and we met online through mutual friends. We got really close and it only lasted a year. She specific ones she didn’t wanna date long distance but we just ended up really liking each other that we acted on our feelings. No exclusivity whatsoever, just two dumb people who had feelings for one another. We started liking each other last summer just after she got out of a toxic 5 year relationship with an abusive ex. I visited her once in the winter but those 2 weeks of us spending time together was enough for me to realize I loved her and wanted to be with her. She had those same feelings and even told me she was falling for me. It was all perfect because she was gonna come visit me in the summer and I was planning on moving to her city after graduating and finding a job. Everything was great until a couple weeks after I left. The distance was too much for her. Her depression made her antisocial and overall, she was just losing interest in me and what we had. Ever since then, she would constantly talk on social media about wanting a boyfriend and wanting someone to be there for her (locally) which would make me feel like I meant nothing to her (I never brought it up tho). Not to mention she would be talking to other guys too which made me feel like what we had was worthless made me insecure yet I still didn’t say anything because we weren’t in a relationship. In the end, constant fighting for the last 2 months, on and off talking/leaving each other’s lives for a month, and no communication until she finally decided to walk away because she didn’t wanna do this anymore. Instead of trying to fix the problem and communicate, she decided walking away was better. Every time I tried to get her to communicate and sort our problems, she’d say things would change, we would both be better, and she’ll start trying again but it was all lies till she finally walked away. We went no contact for a week until she manipulated me into talking to her by posting something that really bothered me on her Snapchat and getting our mutual friends to tell me about it. Instead of messaging me like a normal person would, she manipulated me into initiating contact. She wanted to talk to me, knowing I was healing and trying to move on, simply to get closure and communicate (something she couldn’t do while we were actually in each other’s lives). I was doing fine and didn’t want closure but this whole thing made it worse and harder to move on. She apologized for all the lies, lack of effort, and not caring. She told me I would say things that hurt her (I am a very blunt and honest person) that would just push her away from me slowly and slowly. She also told me she started backing off simply because she didn’t want to get hurt in the future if I found someone else. That uncertainty of future pain caused present pain for the both of us. She didn’t wanna do this anymore because she was tired of “fixing it” even tho it was never fixed. She still likes me and wanted to keep me in her life. She wanted to stay friends, I wanted more. I told her we can try to make it work since we’re actually talking/communicating now and know the root of the issue but she said she doesn’t feel the need to talk to anyone anymore. She said she knows that things can be different if we communicated but she just didn’t want it anymore. She couldn’t trust me anymore, she didn’t want to try fixing things. I told her I’d love to have her in my life romantically but I don’t want to be just friends and if she ever changes her mind to contact me. I haven’t contacted her since and it’s week 3 now. She wasn’t even a bad person, she’s just scarred from her last relationship and seems like she hasn’t healed yet. Her depression makes her antisocial and she didn’t want long distance. I feel like a rebound like I meant nothing to her if she could just throw me to the side like that. I have trouble not lurking on her social media, looking at old pictures of us, memories, text messages, etc. Why do I still feel so strongly for her even tho she treated me horribly at times, admitted to lying to me, and even manipulated me in the end? Its like the good times are the only things that come to mind. More than that, why do I feel so strongly for her even tho it was long distance and she started losing feelings after seeing how great we could be together? Why couldn’t my feelings fade the way hers did? I dream about her at night and sometimes I feel like breaking NC and reaching out to her but then I realize I’m better than that and it’s her job to reach out if anything’s gonna change. I am healing but I still hold onto hope that maybe one day she’ll come back. I was planning on moving to her city eventually regardless (that’s the reason I started talking to her in the first place) because that’s where I want to eventually work and live. Just the thought that I’m going to be there in the same vicinity at some point is making it hard for me to move on because I keep thinking to myself “maybe we can give it a shot when I’m there”. I miss her so much. I want to get out this funk. Some days I feel great and then the slightest things remind me of her and ruins my mood. I want someone to tell me things are going to get better. Someone to tell me my feelings are valid. Someone to tell me there’s no going back and I’m holding onto false hope. Someone to tell me that wondering if she feels the same way doesn’t change anything and the decision she made. Someone to listen because I don’t really open up to anyone in my life.
submitted by sxntoryuu to ExNoContact [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 18:35 abg721 Successful date

I downloaded bumble about 2 weeks ago, and I agreed to go on a date with this man and not going to go into the details, but it was amazing. We went on our second date the other day and are planning on going out again. He said he wants to make it official! And In all honesty I see myself with him long term. I see that a lot of people don’t have too much luck. But honestly go In with an open mind. I think when people are constantly nagging about how online dating sucks or what ever it’s less likely that it’ll work. I’ve met amazing people through there, just be honest about what you want and are looking for.
submitted by abg721 to Bumble [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 18:26 freakuhzoid I need advice fast. I don’t want to make a rash decision.

I (F24) have been dating my BF (M29) for 8 months. We are not just together, but we are friends too. He is fun and the most Book smart person that I know. We recently started saying I love you & he does make me feel that he cares.
When we started dating, he had just been hit by a truck on his motorcycle, leaving him with a broken leg and wrist. He was on crutches for months, just recently able to walk on his own.
Due to his knee, our sex life is completely non existent. This is where i need advice.
I never do this, because I do respect privacy. Dad always told me “don’t be your partners 24 hour police man. If someone is going to fuck you over, they will figure out a way to do it behind your back, so trust your gut”
Well, I did just that. I had a gut feeling something was off. He hasn’t been coming home until early in the morning for the last week “playing Magic the gathering with his friends.” I do almost believe this is true, because he is not the most attractive man to the common girl. I fell for him because of his brain, not his looks (even though I do find myself very physically and visually attracted to him. He is good looking, just not someone I worry about other girls throwing themselves at him) I am not being mean, just simply painting a picture for you.
Yesterday, while we were eating lunch together, he knows I like sitting on the same side of the booth as him, so we sat together. He pulls out his phone to do online ordering at the restaurant and his browser pops open to a very obvious dating website / sex chat website with a photo of a girl / her age and location & tits. (All I could make out before he quickly exited and opened a new screen). This is where the gut feeling started.
Fast forward to this morning, he got home at 5 am. His male friend dropped him off. My alarm goes off for work while he is still sleeping, so I took his phone into the bathroom and did some digging. It didn’t take 5 seconds to find a photo in his camera roll of a naked girl (THAT LOOKS LIKE ME, BUT NOT ME) and some weird selfies that he NEVER takes. I check his deleted photos and there is another one from last Sunday. I check his open tabs and history to find fucklocalgirls.com and kikfriendster, open from page 20-94.
I piece together the timing and all of these searches are from as soon as I go to work. I Just started 2 new jobs and he has been layed off due to Covid. He isn’t lazy and he does contribute, but my question is:
What the fuck do I do? I am not asking for a reason to break up, but I want to know: is this normal? Any males out there that love their partners, please give me insight. I have been so patient with the healing of his leg and have let him know that I am ok waiting for our sex life to blossom when it won’t put him in physical pain to fuck me.
Well, I’m not really willing to do that if he won’t even try. I don’t know if he isn’t trying because he doesn’t know how? Or what.
I get the feeling that he may not have had many sexual partners in the past to help him learn, but.... fuck I’m rambling. Please someone help.
submitted by freakuhzoid to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 18:16 throwaway67752 My sister and her kids

Hello. I need advice. Bad. I'm worried abt my sisters kids. I'm worried what will happen if I call CPS on my sister. I'm worried what will happen in i don't....
But long background. Like, REALLY LONG...Sorry.
My sister lives 800mi away and has depression. She's married w 3 kids. Her husband is gone 7 days a week as a truck driver. Kid ages are 12,9,5. She works from home. Kids went to public school until the 9yr old was in K. He had issues in kindergarten. Not wanting to color when it was coloring time, getting upset when recess was over. Schools solution was come get your kid. Like everyday. A word they used was "unteachable". Sister pulled both kids out and enrolled them in this online thing. Today they are still doing it, and since the 9y w school problems has been diagnosed with mild aspergers. She blatently refuses to talk abt sending her kids to school ever again bc of all the bad experiences. I guess they're getting by w minimum requirements? But I worry abt them long term. Are they even going to make it even to a Community College? Will they be Mcdonalds cashers for life? I assume this thing is credited, but she exaggerates and completely cuts you off if any questions she doesn't like are asked. So really I have no idea.
Back to the depression, its been building up for awhile. I now see what corona has been doing to people who have lost their jobs, or work from home over a short 2 or 3 month period. They stop shaving, showering, wear pjs allday. Now imagine this over 5 or so years. Thats my sister. Shes on meds. She sees a shrink. She even had an "episode" that put her in a hospital 3 days to recover. She didn't hurt herself, but she plays it down like her blood pressure was high. She told her husband to come home for an emergency, drove herself to the ER when he showed up, called and told him they were admitting her, and told him the same blood pressure story. He called his work and said "umm... sorry?" Luckily he didn't lose his job. Came home 3 days later w a diagnosis of "anxiety" and prescribed pot. (3 days sends off bells and whistles for me, like a mandatory mental hold, but HIPPA. Do I argue with her????
Her house smells, she buys fabreeze. She has cockroaches. She claims she doesn't. Kids always look dirty and greasy. Clothes smell like piss or mildew. She claims she cant smell anything. 12yr old only wears her moms 3x clothes and blatently refuses to wear a bathing suit.. Bad self image? Noone to do laundary? She says her child is modest and its a good thing. Idk abt that... But she constantly looks like a potato sack. Her hallway is half impassable w piles of laundary constantly that never get done.
Shes got 3,4 cats? 3 dogs? I'm not sure she would tell me the whole truth if I asked. And fosters dogs. Fosters apparently dont check these things... Kids can't play in back yard bc noone ever mows and dog poop everywhere. Of course noone ever cleans it up.. Bought their house years ago w a pool. That's been broken for years (they let the dogs in and liner leaks) (duh) now its just a mosquito festering spot. SHE ONLY POSTS HER DOGS ON FB. NEVER KIDS.
What put her over the edge that set off the "high blood pressure" and 3 day hospital stay you ask? When the foster ppl took her fosters away bc her own pets shots were out of date. I have a dog. i have a cat.. I KNOW how expensive since they can be, if you actually take them for meds, shots etc. I've suspected for years she just didn't. Surprise surprise. She took the fosters being taken away as an attack against her person.. because she "does everything for them".
My dad and i both tried and tried to convince her to get stop fostering after, concentrate on your own family, destress your live so you can keep up with everything else. She now fosters w someone else. Nothing changed since the hospital except now she has pot. Personally, I see nothing wrong w pot. Recreational even. But she needs ENERGY. B12. diet meds. Iron, thyroid meds chkd, depression meds upped, a. MULTIVITAMIN. NOT Something. that. makes. you. lazy? Are you kidding!!? I personally think she got booted from fosters bc they(the foster ppl) saw her house. They may of only ever come to the door, but just opening the door you can smell it.
Shrink: Im glad she's going. Idk what she tells him. She just started after the anxiety diagnosis. Is he telling her "calm down, take a break from your hard life, worry about yourself, let the house go..." if shrinks just hear the 1 persons side if everything, HOW do they possibly make progress!?! She exaggerates (lies) to us, why would she not to him? Shes gone to shrinks in thr past.. I'm not sure id be wrong if I say she stops going when she doesn't want to hear what they have to say anymore.
Her kids never go anywhere. Church, school, any social activities. Be that would require her to try. And to make her kids presentable. Took the 12y old to see fireworks on the 4th and she said thats thr 1st time shes actually left her house to go see them on the 4th of july. Her mom never does. "Because their dogs are scared."
There is no discipline. Ever. Its "go do your homework" said once but not enforced from abt 10a-10p every day. Mom doesnt actually get involved. Set it up. Make them sit. Etc. Just "go do your homework." To a 9y w aspergers? Are you kidding? All parent discipline is the same. She doesn't care enough to enforce anything. Kids sleep where they drop. Couch, floor, where ever. Which is prob a good thing, bc noone ever has sheets in their bed. Just. The. Mattress. (Throw up in my mouth typing) and maybe a random blanket. No bedtime. Up til 3am often. Everyone in that house sleeps til afternoon (real reason i think she doesn't want public school, plus the fact that she'd be responsible for them looking presentable daily).
The 12yr old came to stay w me for 2 wks this summer. My girls are 14 and 12. And wayyy more mature. My kids like clothes shopping, hair straighteners, nail polish. Cousin plays with dolls and constantly thinks she needs a new toy/candy at every gas station and grocery store. (Of course she does, she hangs around a 9 and 5y only). After the 15h round-trip to pick her up, left at 2am, got home at 5pm, and immediately took all her clothes to the basement. Killed 2 cockroaches, washed and rewashed her clothes several times. spraying w fabreeze between washer and dryer. (They still smelled, but only if you sniffed them, not from 20ft away.) And saturated the suitcase with house potency insect spray, making it stay in a sealed garbage bag the entire time she was here. I didnt want her to feel bad, I made up some lie abt dropping my drink on the suitcase and it getting allover her clothes.
While here, I bought her toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouth wash, deordant, hair brush, face soap, zip cream, a bra, new underware... (she doesnt wear or own a bra) ive tried desperately to buy her clothes, but she doesn't WANT anything else but large 3 or x4 potato sacks... a did get her a sweater and 2 hoodies before she left, size large. She should prob be a AM if she wore her own size clothes. Also, she lives in Florida, she shouldn't need all these winter clothes but I TRIED HARD to get her normal t-shirts and stuff.
I've made her shower every other day, made her reshower the day she got her hair wet but not washed, showed her how to start the washer and put her clothes in, how to start a dishwasher (Hers im sure is different, but similar at home), showed her how to crochet(she asked). Unstained her clothes, fixed a locket she brought broken. Given her a chore to do just like my 2 kids, everyday. Nothing complicated. Had a schedule, a bedtime. (It was very lax, my kids are teens on summer break too). Had "talks" with all 3 girls abt self image, how looking nice makes you feel good etc. And told her when she runs out of facesoap, deordant, etc let me know and I'll Amazon it to her. (Whether sister ignores the packages from me containing deordant or is shamed into buying it herself, the kid still can stay fresh either way). In 2 wks I saw progress! But then she went back to the pit she loves so well. It was supposed to be only 2wks, she didn't just leave) She missed her family. She missed her pets. I get it. But at 12 she doesn't see the toxic environment she is in.
My sister and I have never been that close.. shes always had my mothers dramatic slightly bipolar personality, and me, my dad, my brother, just shake our heads and steer clear. She feels defeated and overwhelmed at every minute thing. The dogs caused a 3 day episode? Really? They're not even YOUR dogs!? You've had them a few weeks!
She takes an entire life of filth and tries to fabreeze it.. but she is actually talking to me atm. How do i try to help this up in a way that she doesn't just completely cut me off? How did it GET this bad??? She's always been a slob. But this is filth. This is neglect. Is it better to go all gung ho and call CPS? She will never talk to ME again (yes I know they do anonymous but shed find out), the frail fragile relationship would be at an end, never see my nieces and nephew again, but know they were taken care of??? In foster care??? (Yikes) Do I keep doing what I'm doing? Try to help from a far, offering my services to my neice as she gets to her teen years when she needs it? Shed be more than welcome to love w us when she gets to be a teen and wants out. But her life is what she's used to. Its easy. its normal. She loves her animals. We wanted to take her sight seeing as a guest, she wanted to stay at our house the whole time.
My sister visited my dad (8hrs away from her) a couple wks ago, and hasn't spoken to him since bc his gf took her 9yA son by the hand, led him to the bathroom, and made him help her clean piss off the floor and toilet. Several times. At home its just left...
Sister logic: its normal, he's autistic, how dare you discipline my kid. You completely blindsided me w bringing up your concern later that he needs help, and now I'm cutting you off.
Her son isn't autistic. He has a very mild aspergers. He is smart. Funny. Communicates well. You'd not know looking at him, except for the not looking you in the eye thing. But he does need SPECIAL help. (He's 9 and can't hit the toilet, wets the bed) but he needs help from people like TEACHERS. with DEGREES. He needs to learn how to communicate with OTHERS. How to SOCIALIZE.
Noone has ever laid a hand on any kid in that house. I believe my sister THINKS she is trying her hardest. but it takes a village. And how can you do everything by yourself and NOT be overwhelmed??? But between depression, anemia, blood pressure issues (i don't believe) and an underpreforming thyroid she barely gets off the couch. SENDING them to school, church, soccer practice, scouts, or any other function would have a schedule, set timeframe, and/or require to them look decent.
What do i do?
submitted by throwaway67752 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 18:11 Fluffymints Lost hope for myself (long and probably boring)

(Sorry for any language mistakes, i am not a native speaker. Not a good story teller either)
I am 23, i have been struggling with depression the past 10 years. My teenage years are mostly a blur to me as i didnt really have any. I had been ripped away from my family and home by child services at barely 14. Not because i was being abused, but because i couldnt manage to go to school and stayed at home. (illegal where i live) I was being bullied and was too scared to go. It created too much anxiety for me to go to school. Even if i prepared everything to go that day. I just couldnt do it. This led me to spending all my teenage years till i turned 18 in facilities. I couldnt see my family. School there didnt teach you anything there were no lessons. Your work didnt get checked. I just zoned out every day for hours. I fell into a heavy depression and became suicidal. Men who worked at the facility would constantly ask me sexual questions. Intimidated me. I had to be watched by them when peeing in a cup for drug tests. I had never done drugs. They would watch me sleep and loom over me at night. During those years i had been diagnosed with dysthemia and autism. Which i never received medication or therapy for. When i finally got out at 18 i barely had a bond with my parents. My mom herself was broken, and my dad working so much i only saw him a few hours a day. A couple years later i thought i was doing good. I had rested at home for 2 years. I was finally ready to get an education and i did. I received a diploma within 6 months and climbed till where i am now. Doing the most difficult course my school offers. The downside is i have to do unpaid internship 24 hours a week and only get 16 hours of schooling + any homework/projects. It is too much for me. The noise. The no lessons approach. Those 16 hours are all self study. I burned out quick and was back to zoning out most of the time. I still tried my best not to give up. During march it all stopped because of corona and i thought i could finally get a break. Two years ago i met someone online. (We are 7hrs apart in timezone) We were friends for a year. I started to like him so after a year i finally told him and he liked me back. We decided to slowly work towards a relationship. By now that was last year. We had promised each other to be exlusive. I was so damn happy. This was going to be my first relationship. I have always felt so undesiarable and unloved before. We were saving up for plain tickets. We were mend to meet this summer. I noticed mid februari he was slowly talking to me less and less. 5 weeks before quarantine he hadnt contacted me at all and i finally bit the bullet and asked him if he wasnt interested in me anymore. He said yes. I had cried for weeks on end. I didnt leave my bed. I just couldnt understand why. This is all just a blur to me too. He said it was the distance. I told him i had saved up the money i needed and even if we couldnt meet now due to corona id still be willing to move for him. I begged him for months. And he kept telling me to wait weeks so he could think. During that time he started dating someone else and confessed to having had sex with someone twice back in februari. I was shocked. my heart felt so broken. I was having chest pains. I stopped eating. I couldnt breath well. I felt nauseous. I threw up. That went on for months. I still begged him. I started drinking alcohol and using weed. I said i could forgive him. He didnt want it. After he had cheated he still asked me multiple times for nudes. I felt disgusting and used and undesirable again. I had no self confidence left anymore. I didnt understand what i did wrong. Where i lacked. To make things worse i lost the last thing that comforted me. My beloved cat died from felv. I was absolutely broken and devistated. I still am. I have thought about suicide many times. I still do. A couple weeks ago i broke down infront of my mother for the first time since i was a little girl. She send me to the doctor which gave me anti depressants. Im on them for two weeks now. They make me feel aggression. I was still talking everything through with the guy that dumped me. It made me want to kill myself even more. I took out that aggression on him by telling him the truth in a very rude manner and today he finally decided to ghost me completely. I dont have any friends. Nobody reaches out to me. I dont see my classmates anymore. I just cry and stay in bed or i just dont feel anything at all. My body has become skin and bones. I lost 20 kilos in 3 months. It feels uncomfortable and i have fainted many times. My whole body hurts. My mind hurts. I have written suicide letters. i feel so much agony and so numb at the same time. I hate myself. If nobody wants me, there must be something really wrong with me right? I went as far as advertising myself in a rape subreddit just to feel desired by someone atleast. The vile messages i got just proved me how worthless i really am. I dont feel any sexual desire anymore. I havent since he broke up with me. I have lost hope. No one will notice if i leave. No one will shed a tear. I feel like im only complaining. I am so far gone. I feel posting here is my last resort. I dont know if anyone will read this far or read this at all. But thank you for atleast listening. I am not sure where im headed anymore.
submitted by Fluffymints to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 18:09 Aronfel Exciting news! My custom ReShade configuration (Aronfel's Reshade) is ready for its public release!

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Aronfel's Reshade: A Mildly Interesting Story

TL;DR: I made my own ReShade configuration. If you want to get right to it and see how it looks, scroll down to the "Before & After Screenshots" section and the "Video Examples" section. If you like what you see, follow the download instructions in the "How can I get this reshade?" section and you'll be all set. Thank you and enjoy the show!
Howdy, fine folks of the ESO subreddit! I'm u/Aronfel (pronounced "air-in-fell"). Some of you may know me already; the overwhelming majority of you most certainly don't. I'm fairly new to the sub, but have become pretty active in here over the last month or so, mostly posting screenshots from my adventures and making long-winded comments on your posts. You may recognize me from such hits as, "Sunrise on the Gold Coast," "It's a Beautiful Morning in Solitude," and "Went to Artaeum for the First Time Last Night...." And this is the part where I seamlessly segue.
I've been working on my own ReShade configuration for the better part of a month now, and it has been featured (in its many iterations) in the several screenshots I've shared to the sub thus far. I'm a professional photographer IRL, and I have some background in video editing as well. So when I first discovered ReShade, a lot of the shader effects felt pretty intuitive, as they're incredibly similar to what I use on a daily basis to edit photos and videos. This skill set has allowed me to create (what I believe to be) a pretty damn good looking reshade for ESO. And while I originally created this reshade for personal use to make my game and, by extension, my screenshots look as good as possible, I've had many of you fellow adventurers say to me,
"Damn, Aronfel; how the hell did you get your game to look so much more gooder?"
Well I'm glad you asked! And I'm happy to say that after a receiving such positive responses to my screenshots, my reshade is now officially available for public use! I've spent weeks obsessively tweaking settings, trying out new shader effects, and re-configuring the reshade from scratch after fucking it up more times than I care to remember. But I finally feel confident that it looks as close to perfect as possible in all areas and lighting conditions in the game.
So if this reshade sounds like something you're interested in, then read on and learn how you can "Make Your Game Look More Gooder™" today!
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What is a "reshade?"

Before we get started, let's talk about reshades, for those who aren't familiar with them. To put it in ELI5 terms, imagine a reshade like a photo filter that goes over a picture, such as the filters used on Instagram. Shaders don't actually change the graphics of the game under-the-hood the same way adjusting your graphics settings does; rather, they only affect the way the final image is processed and presented on your screen. Because of this, reshades are often able to be utilized to make a big difference visually with minimal performance impact (depending on the effects being used). Simple things like color correction, saturation enhancement, and sharpening are pretty low-impact effects and can generally be used on lower-end gaming PCs without issues. However, reshade effects are incredibly diverse and can create a multitude of different looks, depending on the effects you use and how you configure them. To learn more about the specific shader effects I use in my reshade, see the "Shader Effects Breakdown" section below.
To run my reshade, I utilize a freeware program called ReShade. I'll show you how to download and install it in the "How can I get this reshade?" section.
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What does Aronfel's Reshade do?

My goal with this reshade was to enhance and "modernize" the look of the base game, as opposed to totally changing and overhauling it. Before I discovered shaders, I already thought ESO was a gorgeous game, and I didn't want to take away from that natural beauty. But after exploring many different shader presets and effects, and comparing them to the base game, it made me realize just how dated, lifeless, and "flat" it looked by comparison. So my reshade is an attempt to build upon the game's natural beauty and unleash its full potential. There aren't any LUTs included that drastically change the colors of the game, so if you prefer reshades that make the game look more "filtered" or appear substantially different from the base game in terms of color grading, this may not be the reshade for you. Instead, this reshade focuses more on color correction and bringing the best of out of the colors that are already present.

The main things that this reshade accomplishes:

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Before & After Screenshots

No reshade would truly be complete without some good, ol' fashioned before and after photos. And trust me: I got plenty. Just click the nifty Imgur link below to scroll through the full gallery of before and after shots taken from various areas of the game. These screenshots utilize either the "Classic" or "Cinematic" versions of my reshade (see the "Reshade Versions" section below for more details).
https://imgur.com/a/NPeUFJ1
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Video Examples

While I appreciate the difference that "Before & After" photos show as much as the next guy, I honestly don't feel like screenshots alone do a good job of fully capturing how my reshade looks in-game. So I decided to put together a few "video showcases" in some of my favorite cities in the game to give everyone a chance to see the reshade in a more dynamic way before deciding whether or not y'all want to install it. Alternatively, you can also watch the short teaser I put together that highlights different areas of each city.
All of these videos feature the "Cinematic" version of my reshade (see the "Reshade Versions" section below for more details), and each one was captured at a different time of day to show how the reshade looks under different lighting circumstances.
Processing video x5lscr3x4z951...

Alinor (Sunrise)

Abah's Landing (Early Morning)

Solitude (Midday)

Rimmen (Late Afternoon)

Daggerfall (Sunset)

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How can I get this reshade?

So you've seen what this reshade is all about and now you want to try it for yourself. Great!
Fortunately, installing reshades is a pretty simple process! I'll go ahead and walk you through it step-by-step and try to make it as easy and straightforward as possible.
IMPORTANT: Before attempting to install ReShade or my shader configuration, make a copy of your ESO "client" folder. The directory for your "client" folder should be similar to the following:
C:\Program Files (x86)\Zenimax Online\The Elder Scrolls Online\game\client
Seriously. Do it. It's highly unlikely that anything will go wrong, but it's better to be safe than sorry and avoid having to do a fresh install of the game.
SIDE NOTE: If you have any other reshades installed for ESO already, I would recommend uninstalling/deleting them to ensure that there are no conflicts.
Okay, now with that out of the way (because I know you definitely listened and just finished making a copy of your client folder), let's get into it!

Step 1: Download ReShade 4+

Follow this link (I promise it's not a virus) and download the most recent version of the ReShade software:
https://reshade.me/

Step 2: Install ReShade 4+

After downloading ReShade, you'll want to run the "ReShade_Setup_4.x.exe" file. It will open an interface that looks like this:
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Click the box that says, "Click here to select a game and manage its ReShade installation." That will pull up the next window that looks like this:
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The Elder Scrolls: Online will more than likely not auto-populate on the list of applications (at least it didn't for me or any of my friends who installed the reshade). So what you'll need to do it click, "Browse..." near the bottom of the window. That will pull up your file explorer to go searching.
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You'll now want to navigate to your "client" folder where the "eso64.exe" file is located and direct ReShade to that file and then click "Open." As noted above, the default directory for the game is:
C:\Program Files (x86)\Zenimax Online\The Elder Scrolls Online\game\client
NOTE: If your eso64.exe file isn't in the default location, but you do know where it is located, direct ReShade accordingly. However, if your eso64.exe file isn't in the default location, and you don't know/can't find where it's located, follow the troubleshooting guide towards the end of this post.
SECOND NOTE: If you'd like, you can go ahead and create a shortcut to this folder for quick access, as we'll be coming back to it several more times throughout this setup.
Once you've directed ReShade to to the "eso64.exe" file, it will pull up the next window that looks like this:
Processing img s7k81mudr5951...
When it asks you, "Which rendering API does ESO use?," you'll want to select "Direct3D 10/11/12." Once you do that, it will pull up the next window that looks like this:
Processing img 754rrncsr5951...
In this window, you'll simply want to click the button that says "Skip." And after that, you should be all done setting up ReShade for ESO!

Step 3: Install "Aronfel's Reshade"

Next up is actually installing my reshade! I provide everything you'll need, so you won't have to go download anything else in addition to this. To download my reshade, open the following Nexus Mods link and it will take you to the download. Again, I promise this is a safe, virus-free link:
https://www.nexusmods.com/elderscrollsonline/mods/160?tab=files
Processing img shqw2dk3dy951...
Whenever that link opens, you'll want to click the button that says "Manual Download," which will then open a pop-out menu. Assuming you've already followed the directions in steps 1 & 2 and have successfully installed ReShade, you'll just need to click the "Download" button. You'll then be redirected to another page where you will select your download type. If you happen to be a "Premium" member of Nexus Mods already, you can select the "Fast Download" option. Otherwise, just select the "Slow Download" option (don't worry though; the file isn't that big so the download really isn't that slow).
Once you've downloaded it, you'll need to unzip the file to access its contents. You can unzip it to your desktop and then move the contents of the folder, or you can just unzip it directly into your ESO "client" folder (the same location of the "eso64.exe" file you directed ReShade to in the previous step):
C:\Program Files (x86)\Zenimax Online\The Elder Scrolls Online\game\client
The folder and files in the "Aronfel's Reshade.zip" folder will go directly into the "client" folder. Do not remove anything from the "reshade-shaders" folder; simply place it in the "client" folder as-is. Once everything is unzipped, your "client" folder should look like this:
Processing img r0j261cmek951...

Step 4: Configure ReShade In-Game

Alright, now that you've successfully installed my reshade, you're just about ready to load it up in-game and give it a whirl! But first, there is a quick, final setup to do in order to get everything working properly. So first, you'll want to go ahead and launch ESO. You should see a little banner pop up when you open the game that looks like this:
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Whenever you open the ReShade interface for the first time, it will ask if you want to run through the tutorial. If you want to, knock yourself out. But it won't be necessary to get this reshade working, so you can just click "Skip." Now if you haven't already, you'll want to press the "Home" key on your keyboard to pull up the ReShade interface that looks like this:
Processing img zuopnnamxj951...
Next, you'll want to make your way to the menu bar up top and select "Settings." What we're going to do now is direct ReShade to the proper folder to load the effects and textures you'll need to run my reshade. So go ahead and click Alt+Tab on your keyboard to minimize the game. Go into your file explorer and make your way back to your ESO "client" folder and open the "reshade-shaders" folder, and then the "Shaders" folder. Once you're in the "Shaders" folder, you'll want to go up to your navigation bar, right click "Shaders" to pull up the options menu, and click "Copy address as text."
Processing img oxtikstxzj951...
Reopen ESO (the game) and press the "Home" key on your keyboard to pull up the ReShade interface again, if it's not already opened. In the "Settings" menu under the "General" section, you'll see an entry for "Effects search path." Click the "+" button like so:
Processing img mhar51fn1k951...
That will open up a sub-menu and in the search path box at the top, you will want to press Ctrl+V to paste the file path we just copied. It should look like this:
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Now go ahead and click "Ok" and your effects search path should be all set! This is what it should look like in the settings menu:
Processing img 7790p7pc2k951...
Alright friend, you're so close to being done you can almost taste it. The last thing you'll need to do is repeat this process for the "Texture search path" entry below the "Effects search path" entry; only this time, you'll be directing it to the "Textures" folder instead of the "Shaders" folder. So for one last time, make your way back to your ESO "client" folder and then open the "reshade-shaders" folder, and then the "Textures" folder. Once you're in the "Textures" folder, you'll want to go up to your navigation bar, right click "Textures" to pull up the options menu, and once again click "Copy address as text." Then follow the same steps you did for the "Effects search path" process.
And just that like, you're ready to experience ESO like you've (maybe) never experienced it before... and hopefully in a good way! Now all that's left is to load the preset you want to use and be on your way. To select or change the preset, press the "Home" key on your keyboard to pull up the ReShade interface. Make sure you're in the "Home" menu and you'll see a box at the top that currently says "Default Preset." Click on that and it will open a drop-down menu with all of your available presets. Simply click on the one you want to use and you're all set!
Processing img 4eo34grsmk951...
Alternatively, you can also use the arrow buttons to the left of the drop-down menu to quickly switch between presets without having to pull up the entire drop-down menu.

Step 5: Enjoy!

Now that you've successfully completed the installation and setup process, you can sit back and enjoy Tamriel in a whole new way. If you have any issues with installation and can't find the answer in the "Troubleshooting" section, feel free to shoot me a message here and I'll see what I can do to help you out!
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Reshade Versions

For this reshade, I've configured several different presets that are all based on the same core settings, but differ in their broader appearance. The color correction is the same throughout each version, but each one has its own, unique style. Read the descriptions to learn more, and try out each version in-game to find out which one you like best!

(Classic)

This is the original reshade that all other versions use as their foundation. This is the most balanced configuration and will enhance sharpness, texture, color, lighting, and contrast without going too heavy on any one, particular effect. Use this version if you want the reshade to look the way it was originally intended to look.

(Cinematic)

This is my personal favorite configuration and the one I use when I play; it's also the preset I used in all of my showcase videos. It's almost exactly the same as the "Classic" version, but it adds a bloom effect that integrates softer light and a mild blur that gives the game a more modern, cinematic look. Use this version if you prefer the look of modern games, want a more immersive game experience, and/or like to frequently take screenshots. NOTE: Due to the bloom effects that this configuration utilizes, it is likely to be the most resource-intensive preset and may not run well on lower-end gaming PCs.

(Low Contrast)

This configuration reduces contrast to give the game a flatter, more even look with less dramatic lighting. Use this version if you enjoy the appearance of the base game, but want enhanced colors and textures.

(Ultra Sharp)

This configuration was created as a recommendation from a few of my friends who tried the reshade and weren't fans of the softer look of the Classic and Cinematic configurations. It removes all blur effects and focuses on sharpness and contrast, in addition to the color corrections of the classic configuration. Use this version if you prefer a sharper, less soft look.

(Optimal Performance)

This configuration is for people who want to run this reshade on a lower-end gaming PC, or don't want to sacrifice any amount of FPS while playing. It may not look quite as good as the others, but I tried to get it as close as I could using the fewest number of effects possible. Use this version if the other versions are too resource intensive on your PC.
Processing img 5om3did8dk951...
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What are the system requirements?

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I don't have a large enough sample size to know how the reshade runs on different PC builds. But everyone who has tested it so far has been able to run it with minimal (if any) impact to performance.
For context, I have an NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1060 6GB graphics card and can run the game on max settings at 1920x1080 resolution and I don't experience any significant frame rate loss while using the reshade.
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Shader Effects Breakdown

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Disclaimers/Things to Note

There are a few quick things I'd like to address and I wasn't sure where else to do that, so here we are!

Differences in Monitor Calibration

One thing to keep in mind regarding this reshade is that it was configured 100% on my PC using my monitor. As you may imagine, that means the settings were configured to look best on my specific setup; from the way I corrected colors, to the way I adjusted brightness and tones. Therefore it may not translate perfectly to your setup.
One of the main things I would advise everyone to do is make sure you properly set your gamma adjustment in your "Video" settings in-game after you install this reshade. Your game may appear too bright or too dark if you leave it on the same setting you used before you installed the reshade. And if you'd like, you may want/need to adjust some of the settings of the reshade itself, which brings me to the next topic.

Editing the Reshade Yourself

At some point, you may decide that you want to tweak the settings of my reshade to fit your own preferences. I can't stop you from doing this, and wouldn't even if I could. On the contrary, I fully support it! I think it helps people gain a better understanding of what's actually happening under-the-hood, and allows them to really make the game their own. Tweaking other people's reshades to fit my tastes is actually what inspired me to configure my own reshade in the first place, so I say have fun with it!
My only word of advice here: make a copy of the configuration file (i.e. the .ini file) that you're wanting to tweak before making any changes, just in case you mess things up and need to revert to my default settings. If you do happen to change things a bit too much and didn't make a backup, then follow the steps in the "Troubleshooting" section below. And if you do make tweaks to the reshade, I only have one request, and that goes into my next point.

Please Don't Redistribute My Reshade

I don't own any of the software or files used to create my reshade, so I don't actually have any legal ground to stand on and tell people not to redistribute my reshade. But I just ask everyone to understand the amount of time and effort that has gone into creating this for no other reason than wanting to help people enjoy this wonderful game even more. So all I ask is that you don't upload this to any other sites or give the files away.
Instead, if you're wanting to share my reshade with other people, just direct them to my Nexus Mods page, or this post. And if you do end up tweaking the settings yourself and decide that you want to make your own reshade, all I ask is that you try to make sure it's substantially different enough from my reshade before releasing it to others.
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Troubleshooting

I'm hoping this section won't need to be utilized much, as I'd love for this to be a smooth and easy process for everyone. But sometimes things go wrong and hopefully I can address some of the few issues I, or others, have experienced while installing/using this reshade.

The Case of "I can't find my eso64.exe file! I don't think it exists!"

Fear not, fellow adventurer! Assuming you've actually installed The Elder Scrolls: Online and have been playing it, I assure you that you're in possession of such a file. If you're having a hard time locating it (and it isn't in the default directory listed in the installation instructions above), there's an easy way to find it! All you need to do is launch the game and then open your task manager by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete on your keyboard. Once you do that, find the "ESO" process and right-click on it. A list will appear and you'll want to click on the "Open File Location" option as shown below:
Processing img nfuksm7h16951...
Once you do that, your file explorer should open up to the location of the elusive "eso64.exe" file. Make note of the location in the navigation bar and commit it to memory so you can properly direct ReShade to the correct file.
Processing img gifari3f26951...

The Case of "My Game Is Crashing at Launch for Some Reason?"

Hopefully nobody downloading my reshade will run into this issue, however it did happen to one of my friends who installed it. And it turns out it's actually a problem with the ReShade installer and not my reshade specifically; what I'm saying is it's not my fault, okay?! Anyway, the fix for this is actually pretty easy. What you'll want to do is navigate to your "client" folder where the eso64.exe file is located (and if you don't know where that is, refer to the troubleshooting guide above) and look for a file named "dxgi.dll." Once you've found that file, you'll want to right-click on it and select "Rename" and change the name of the file to "d3d11.dll." Once you do that, everything should be working as normal. If not, then unfortunately I don't have a fix for you and I hope you made a copy of your "client" folder like I told you to do at the beginning of this post for this very reason 😜

The Case of "I Tweaked Your Reshade Too Much and Now It Looks Like Garbage."

If you decided to take matters into your own hands and adjust my reshade settings, but made a horrible mistake and now the game looks really bad, worry not! This is another easy fix. Just go into your "client" folder and delete the configuration file for whichever preset you were tweaking (e.g. "Aronfel's Reshade (Classic).ini") and then re-download the file and replace it. This will set everything back to my default settings and you'll be all set. And if you want to tweak the shaders in the future, be sure to make a copy and edit the copy just in case things go wrong (trust me, I've learned this the hard way one too many times).

The Case of "Your Reshade Is Bad and You Should Feel Bad! How Do I Get Rid of It?"

If you install my reshade and decide you don't like it (no hard feelings), or it's unfortunately too resource intensive for your PC to handle, then getting rid of it is even easier than installing it! What you'll want to do is run the "ReShade_Setup_4.x.exe" again and direct it to the "eso64.exe" file again. Whenever you do this, you will be offered two choices: "Update" or "Uninstall."
Processing img y88z4h2ua6951...
Go ahead and click "Uninstall" and BAM! Just like that, your game is back to looking like shit 😉 Just kidding; I appreciate you giving my reshade a chance all the same! And if there's something in particular you didn't like about it, or areas where you think I could improve the reshade, I'm 100% open to any and all constructive feedback. Feel free to message me here on Reddit and I'd love to chat!
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For the People Who Expressed Interest in My Reshade

Over the last several weeks, I've talked to a few people in the sub who've expressed interest in trying out my reshade after seeing some of my screenshots I've posted, or after seeing my reshade teaser video. So I made a list and am tagging those folks in this post! Thanks so much to all of you for showing your interest and support. I truly hope you enjoy this reshade!
u/neonmadman, u/DanAshrulez, u/Brokeng3ars, u/Homeless_Nomad, u/Irxsh, u/Cmr3d
u/mazeura001, u/WHTMage, u/NeonScammer, u/Palentire, u/BasPeeters1, u/Yougori, u/ItsBado
u/merulaalba, u/MmmmThatsTasty, u/MrPolyp, u/jimmy66704, u/Sennkhara, u/sleeclow, u/Everdia
u/Lamarian9 , u/___Firefly___, u/Jaycnl, u/CuntsOfLonging, u/abunchofalpacas, u/Tree_9, u/Soburn
u/geriden7, u/cat-xileel, u/HippieTheGreat, u/Cailus80, u/LemonWAG1, u/ulamk, u/bloodyScarlet,
u/Zsanart, u/DistortedPraise, u/micedicetwice, u/KaosStorm, u/Jason_Wolfe, u/kittencha, u/Infrit
u/Buttonskill u/Fhritz_, u/Zjfreak, u/dwynn789, u/blakmagik13, u/Ire-52, u/PowQQ, u/jwzkv6
u/TaeRai, u/sossevos, u/blizzard34, u/Koolnchill, u/gulaschsuppe, u/Sir_Quackberry
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Closing Remarks

If you've made it this far (and actually read the whole thing): damn. I greatly appreciate you and hope that everything I've included here was helpful in some way and not a complete waste of your time 😅
I've had a ton of fun throughout this whole process; from configuring the reshade itself to capturing the screenshots and videos to show it off, to even putting together this novel of a post. And I hope the fun I've had making this will translate to more enjoyment of the game for anyone who downloads my reshade. I know for me personally, adding ReShade to my game has made a world of difference and has helped me really get immersed and lose myself even more in this beautiful game.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me in even tiniest of ways since I started playing the game and becoming active in the sub. This truly is a great community, and honestly the best I've experienced in the many MMOs I've played over the years. So I hope I can use this reshade to give back to the community in some small way.
If any of you find yourselves using my reshade to capture some screenshots, I'd love to see what y'all take! If you share your screenshots here on the sub, please feel free to tag me in the posts, or even message me screenshots directly.
And for anyone looking to hang in-game, I'm on PC/NA and my user tag is: @ BucketLegacy. Feel free to shoot me a friend request!
Anyway, that's all for now, folks! Enjoy the reshade and happy adventuring 😄
submitted by Aronfel to elderscrollsonline [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 17:58 mskon32 Struggling with guilt that isn't entirely mine

Last year, I left my husband.
He had been struggling with a porn addiction that lead to online dating apps and adult chatrooms, but nothing was ever physical or emotional, so I'm not sure what kind of affair to classify it. I thought I was DONE, and wanted nothing to do with reconciling our marriage. I moved out while he was at work one day, took half of our savings, took our dog, etc.
He begged for me to give him another chance and made steps to improve him. I refused. Things got really ugly for awhile with attorneys, my family getting involved, splitting up assets, etc. Like, really ugly. He and I both said and did things we regret. My family got way too involved in it, partly my fault, partly on them for not respecting my wishes on certain things.
I met someone new and was in a full on relationship with a guy who was taking advantage of my vulnerable state. This started really soon after I moved out (within a month). I'm ashamed of myself for jumping into something else so quickly, and for letting my vulnerable state affect my decision making. He went out with other girls eventually. We both slept with someone new, and it makes me sick to think about.
I went through with the divorce. I got what I wanted out of it. My dog, the equity I had in our house, my car, etc. I'll never forget the look on his face when it was finalized. Here I was happy it was over, and he just looked heartbroken. A few weeks after the divorce was final, something changed in me and I had a change of heart, completely. He still felt the same, and had ended things with the girl he'd been out with, and I had already ended things with the guy I'd been seeing (this happened prior to divorce being final).
Now we are both in a better place than ever. Our relationship is now honest and caring, and we are working toward getting remarried (COVID has delayed that).
The only thing is, some relationships are really screwed up now. My sister and him do not get along, despite him trying to put things aside. This has strained my relationship with her, obviously. It's also strained my relationship with my niece, her daughter. I miss my niece, and I miss the way my family could all interact before this mess.
I hate the awkwardness of the first time we are around old friends of his/mine again. Knowing that they knew I jumped into something with someone new so quickly, only for me to come running back. Him knowing that some of my friends/family know about the reason I left. Knowing that people know we went through with a full on divorce, yet we are back together. I hate that my dog now freaks out every time my partner leaves, as I know its because he worries he won't come back, because of me taking him from him.
I hate knowing I was intimate with someone else, and that he was as well. I can't stand the fact that I was so indecisive on my feelings, and that it's caused so much pain for he and I, our families, our friends, and everyone involved. I know I'm not the only one to blame, as he is as well. I just struggle with guilt. He's a lot more optimistic than me. I know eventually things will be better, and people will forget and move on. It just sucks right now. We've been back together for about 10 months now, and I'm just ready to be happy with myself and, and stop feeling shame and guilt.
Anyone have an words of wisdom or advice on how to help completely forgive myself?
submitted by mskon32 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 17:58 hollowedoutdreams Planning to work in Tokyo next year or in 2022, and I have some questions...[LONG POST]

So first of all, a throwaway account. Not really much a reason other than wanting to add some privacy to asking questions.
Anycase, first an introduction(skip this to questions below, as this will already be a long post), I'm in my mid-20s now and because of the COVID-19, my company has made most of its workforce to work from home, so that includes me. This gave me a lot of free time, as my commute time was effectively reduced from 4 hours(yes...it takes 2 hours on avg to travel to and from work) to 0, plus I worked round the clock of 48 hours minimum, not including overtime(so I'm not gonna be shocked by hours of work in Japan). This gave me a lot to think about, one was thinking of working in Japan, specifically Tokyo. I've been wanting to work in Japan since I was in college, not primarily for career purposes, although that would be one reason as well, but also because I want to experience living there and its culture. Tokyo is the city I'm aiming for as I'm someone who likes the city life, I grew up in one, and I have barely liked living in the countryside, and Tokyo has a lot of places I would like to visit especially on a daily to weekly basis. I have JLPT N5 and N4 certification, with some N3 skill level(as JLPT was cancelled this mid year, so I haven't taken the exam yet), and I'll be trying to find native Japanese friends online as well who can speak English to some extent so I can practice conversing to. I honestly feel some slight regret thinking of moving to Japan in my mid-20s now because it will probably take a while to get accustomed to and make native friends with real connections, it's not something I want to do nearing my 30s or later because I have this mentality where I think 20s is when you focus more on yourself and career, while 30s is a different phase in life, and want to focus more on getting more stable and starting a family.
I'm currently working as a Mechanical Design Engineer in an aerospace company for quite a few years now(it's also one reason to leave because of the COVID-19 situation, my site had to lay off 800 employees and predictions for recovery of the industry is 2 years or more). So I'm planning to apply for other engineering jobs in Tokyo via linkedin, other sites like gaijinpot, or thru the agencies here thru the bureau. Moreso on Design/CAD/anything similar, as I think coding jobs might not take me in due to my lack of coding work experience and average coding knowledge. I've seen a few job posts here and there, and I'll be trying to apply later this year as the COVID-19 situation looks like it halted air travel anyways, so I can expect work next year, or just in 2022 at the worst.
So to the questions:
Some optional questions(don't really an answer, but I'll appreciate it regardless) :
Alternatively to software, I actually want to become part of a production team or really any part of the tv/film/animation industry as I love the arts. With the reason I didn't pursue it at first is because of the pay and hours, and now I'm wholly regretting it thinking while the work is hard, as long as it's something that I can be passionate about I might be able to still like it. While studying or getting some internship experience for it might not be difficult, getting actually hired in Japan due to age might be the one that'll block me. Note: It's not like I didn't like to become an engineer at first either, I was actually pretty enthusiastic, but after actually working, my enthusiasm just died on me. Arts is something I feel like I'll enjoy a lot more even with the monotonous nature due to the people I'll be working with.
At some point, if I really just become depressed career-wise, rather than just become a corporate zombie. I'll probably just try to start my own business back home and be able to manage my free time much better if I can't work in something I'll be passionate about. After I hit my 20s, reality really is much harsher to see as an adult than as a child after all.
submitted by hollowedoutdreams to Tokyo [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 17:49 throwaway67752 Sister and her kids

Hello. I need advice. Bad. I'm worried abt my sisters kids. I'm worried what will happen if I call CPS on my sister. I'm worried what will happen in i don't....
But long background. Like, REALLY LONG...Sorry.
My sister lives 800mi away and has depression. She's married w 3 kids. Her husband is gone 7 days a week as a truck driver. Kid ages are 12,9,5. She works from home. Kids went to public school until the 9yr old was in K. He had issues in kindergarten. Not wanting to color when it was coloring time, getting upset when recess was over. Schools solution was come get your kid. Like everyday. A word they used was "unteachable". Sister pulled both kids out and enrolled them in this online thing. Today they are still doing it, and since the 9y w school problems has been diagnosed with mild aspergers. She blatently refuses to talk abt sending her kids to school ever again bc of all the bad experiences. I guess they're getting by w minimum requirements? But I worry abt them long term. Are they even going to make it even to a Community College? Will they be Mcdonalds cashers for life? I assume this thing is credited, but she exaggerates and completely cuts you off if any questions she doesn't like are asked. So really I have no idea.
Back to the depression, its been building up for awhile. I now see what corona has been doing to people who have lost their jobs, or work from home over a short 2 or 3 month period. They stop shaving, showering, wear pjs allday. Now imagine this over 5 or so years. Thats my sister. Shes on meds. She sees a shrink. She even had an "episode" that put her in a hospital 3 days to recover. She didn't hurt herself, but she plays it down like her blood pressure was high. She told her husband to come home for an emergency, drove herself to the ER when he showed up, called and told him they were admitting her, and told him the same blood pressure story. He called his work and said "umm... sorry?" Luckily he didn't lose his job. Came home 3 days later w a diagnosis of "anxiety" and prescribed pot. (3 days sends off bells and whistles for me, like a mandatory mental hold, but HIPPA. Do I argue with her????
Her house smells, she buys fabreeze. She has cockroaches. She claims she doesn't. Kids always look dirty and greasy. Clothes smell like piss or mildew. She claims she cant smell anything. 12yr old only wears her moms 3x clothes and blatently refuses to wear a bathing suit.. Bad self image? Noone to do laundary? She says her child is modest and its a good thing. Idk abt that... But she constantly looks like a potato sack. Her hallway is half impassable w piles of laundary constantly that never get done.
Shes got 3,4 cats? 3 dogs? I'm not sure she would tell me the whole truth if I asked. And fosters dogs. Fosters apparently dont check these things... Kids can't play in back yard bc noone ever mows and dog poop everywhere. Of course noone ever cleans it up.. Bought their house years ago w a pool. That's been broken for years (they let the dogs in and liner leaks) (duh) now its just a mosquito festering spot. SHE ONLY POSTS HER DOGS ON FB. NEVER KIDS.
What put her over the edge that set off the "high blood pressure" and 3 day hospital stay you ask? When the foster ppl took her fosters away bc her own pets shots were out of date. I have a dog. i have a cat.. I KNOW how expensive since they can be, if you actually take them for meds, shots etc. I've suspected for years she just didn't. Surprise surprise. She took the fosters being taken away as an attack against her person.. because she "does everything for them".
My dad and i both tried and tried to convince her to get stop fostering after, concentrate on your own family, destress your live so you can keep up with everything else. She now fosters w someone else. Nothing changed since the hospital except now she has pot. Personally, I see nothing wrong w pot. Recreational even. But she needs ENERGY. B12. diet meds. Iron, thyroid meds chkd, depression meds upped, a. MULTIVITAMIN. NOT Something. that. makes. you. lazy? Are you kidding!!? I personally think she got booted from fosters bc they(the foster ppl) saw her house. They may of only ever come to the door, but just opening the door you can smell it.
Shrink: Im glad she's going. Idk what she tells him. She just started after the anxiety diagnosis. Is he telling her "calm down, take a break from your hard life, worry about yourself, let the house go..." if shrinks just hear the 1 persons side if everything, HOW do they possibly make progress!?! Shes gone to shrinks before. I'm not sure id be wrong if I say she stops going when she doesn't want to hear what they have to say anymore.
Her kids never go anywhere. Church, school, any social activities. Be that woule require her to try. And to make her kids presentable. Took the 12y old to see fireworks on the 4th and she said thats thr 1st time shes actually left her house to go see them on the 4th of july. Her mom never does. "Because their dogs are scared."
There is no discipline. Ever. Its "go do your homework" said once but not enforced from abt 10a-10p every day. Mom doesnt actually get involved. Set it up. Make them sit. Etc. Just "go do your homework." To a 9y w aspergers? Are you kidding? All parent discipline is the same. She doesn't care enough to enforce anything. Kids sleep where they drop. Couch, floor, where ever. Which is prob a good thing, bc noone ever has sheets in their bed. Just. The. Mattress. (Throw up in my mouth typing) and maybe a random blanket. No bedtime. Up til 3am often. Everyone in that house sleeps til afternoon (real reason i think she doesn't want public school, plus the fact that she'd be responsible for them looking presentable daily).
The 12yr old came to stay w me for 2 wks this summer. My girls are 14 and 12. And wayyy more mature. My kids like clothes shopping, hair straighteners, nail polish. Cousin plays with dolls and constantly thinks she needs a new toy/candy at every gas station and grocery store. (Of course she does, she hangs around a 9 and 5y only). After the 15h round-trip to pick her up, left at 2am, got home at 5pm, and immediately took all her clothes to the basement. Killed 2 cockroaches, washed and rewashed her clothes several times. spraying w fabreeze between washer and dryer. (They still smelled, but only if you sniffed them, not from 20ft away.) And saturated the suitcase with house potency insect spray, making it stay in a sealed garbage bag the entire time she was here.
While here, I bought her toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouth wash, deordant, hair brush, face soap, zip cream, a bra, new underware... (she doesnt wear or own a bra) ive tried desperately to buy her clothes, but she doesn't WANT anything else but large 3 or x4 potato sacks... a did get her a sweater and 2 hoodies before she left, size large. She should prob be a AM if she wore her own size clothes. She lives in Florida, she shouldn't need all these winter clothes but I TRIED HARD to get her normal t-shirts and stuff.
I've made her shower every other day, made her reshower the day she got her hair wet but not washed, showed her how to start the washer and put her clothes in, how to start a dishwasher (Hers im sure is different, but similar at home), showed her how to crochet(she asked). Unstained her clothes, fixed a locket she brought broken. Given her a chore to do just like my 2 kids, everyday. Nothing complicated. Had a schedule, a bedtime. (It was very lax, my kids are teens on summer break too). Had "talks" with all 3 girls abt self image, how looking nice makes you feel good etc. And told her when she runs out of facesoap, deordant, etc let me know and I'll Amazon it to her. (Whether sister ignores the packages from me containing deordant or is shamed into buying it herself, the kid still can stay fresh either way). In 2 wks I saw progress! But then she went back to the pit she loves so well. It was supposed to be only 2wks, she didn't just leave) She missed her family. She missed her pets. I get it. But at 12 she doesn't see the toxic environment she is in.
My sister and I have never been that close.. shes always had my mothers dramatic slightly bipolar personality, and me, my dad, my brother, just shake our heads and steer clear. She feels defeated and overwhelmed at every minute thing. The dogs caused a 3 day episode? Really? They're not even YOUR dogs!? You've had them a few weeks!
She takes an entire life of filth and tries to fabreeze it.. but she is actually talking to me atm. How do i try to help this up in a way that she doesn't just completely cut me off? How did it GET this bad??? She's always been a slob. But this is filth. This is neglect. Is it better to go all gung ho and call CPS? She will never talk to ME again (yes I know they do anonymous but shed find out), the frail fragile relationship would be at an end, never see my nieces and nephew again, but know they were taken care of??? In foster care??? (Yikes) Do I keep doing what I'm doing? Try to help from a far, offering my services to my neice as she gets to her teen years when she needs it?
She visited my dad (8hrs away from her) a couple wks ago, and hasn't spoken to him since bc his gf took her 9yA son by the hand, led him to the bathroom, and made him help her clean piss off the floor and toilet. Several times. At home its just left...
Sister logic: its normal, he's autistic, how dare you discipline my kid. You completely blindsided me w bringing up your concern later that he needs help, and now I'm cutting you off.
Her son isn't autistic. He has a very mild aspergers. He is smart. Funny. Communicates well. You'd not know looking at him, except for the not looking you in the eye thing. But he does need SPECIAL help. (He's 9 and can't hit the toilet, wets the bed) but he needs help from people like TEACHERS. with DEGREES. He needs to learn how to communicate with OTHERS. How to SOCIALIZE.
Noone has ever laid a hand on any kid in that house. I believe my sister THINKS she is trying her hardest. but it takes a village. And how can you do everything by yourself and NOT be overwhelmed??? But between depression, anemia, blood pressure issues (i don't believe) and an underpreforming thyroid she barely gets off the couch. SENDING them to school, church, soccer practice, scouts, or any other function would have a schedule, set timeframe, and/or require to them look decent.
What do i do?
submitted by throwaway67752 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 17:49 throwrasleepsex My (M28) GF (F33) have been working through a dead bedroom. She says if we don't both go to sleep after sex, she feels used. I don't agree. Any thoughts? (Lots of background info)

So a bit of background, this isn't a relatively new GF, we've been dating for 6 years. The problem is new though. We had a dead bedroom for roughly two years, and this past May had a serious relationship talk were we decided to put some serious effort into our relationship, and then if its still not working end things. So since then, I'd say things are definitely going better. We're spending more time together (despite being stuck in an apt for 2 months, we didn't spend a whole lot of time together outside of meals), being a lot more affectionate, and having sex. But sex is still an issue.. Over the last month and a half, we've def had it more than in the last year. But its only been on week nights, before we go to sleep. She is someone who has a lot of stress and anxiety, and its very hard for her to just relax, and even further, relax and be in the mood. I've noticed on the weekends at night, if I initiate, its still a no. We haven't had sex for a week and a half now, so I just asked what was up. She said that during the week she was working so late, she just felt too tired and not in the mood. She was working from 9am till 9pm every night, so I understood. She further said she was in the mood over the weekend, but didn't say anything to me because I wanted to stay up. I usually got to sleep at midnight or 1 on the weekends, she goes to bed at like 9, 10, or 11. Just depends. Week days we both go to sleep at like 10. No issue there. But, I said I didn't understand how me staying up late would make her not want sex? She explained that now she wants to have sex before bed, so that we can cuddle and hang out after sex (which is what happens on week nights). I told her I understand that, so how about we hang out a little, or spoon till you fall asleep, and then I can get up and go watch movies, or game online with my friends. She said that makes her feel like an object being used for sex, and fine just fuck her and go play with my friends after. I understand her need/want for intimacy after sex, but why does that mean that every single time we have sex we have to fall asleep right after? How is having sex, and then not going to sleep, using her? I mean shes horny too right, is this not a need of hers being fulfilled? Are we not both getting something out of the sex? I too like to cuddle and have pillow talk sometimes. I'm an affectionate person But having to fall asleep together right after? Every single time? I could understand her feeling this way if I was some guy who just texts/calls her on the weekends for sex, then bails after, but I'm her live with bf of 6 years who does all kinds of favors and personal things for her outside of the bedroom. Why does sex have to always be some night time activity, right before bed, that involves intense intimacy after every single session. Can we not SOMETIMES just be horny, have sex, and carry on with the day/night? So if its a weekend, and I want sex, I have to go to bed early now? Can't we sometimes have sex in the morning, or afternoon, or just whenever? The reason this is so strange to me, at least regarding her, is because the first 4 years of our relationship she didn't have these rules around sex. We'd do it at all kinds of times of the day, sometimes with or without pillow talk after. Morning, noon, afternoon, night, late night, whenever. It always was a lot more spontaneous and carefree. But after our dead bedroom period, she feels this way. I can understand since we've had a dead bedroom in the past, her feeling pillow talk and cuddling and stuff is very important for emotional bonding and growing closer. I totally get that, and I agree. I do want that sometimes. But I'm afraid if I agree to this, for the sake of mending our relationship, thats what our new sex life will always be. That it wont just be a temporary thing. I really don't want my sex life for the rest of my life to consist of only sex before bed, required pillow talk, and then going to sleep right after. A lot of nights I enjoy it that way, but others I don't. That just sounds too vanilla and restrictive if thats the only sex she wants. So am I just some horny creep using my GF as an object? I'd never say that my gf's views on sex are wrong. Whenevehowever you want to do it should be up to you. But I'm wondering now if I'm just some sex user...? Do y'all think I'm wrong/weird/shallow for thinking that sex can SOMETIMES just be two horny people having fun, satisfying a need, and doesn't require intense emotional bonding and falling asleep together after every session?
TL;DR Had a deadbedroom with 6 year gf for the past 2 years. We're working through it, its going generally good. But she insists that sex just be an activity right before bed, and if I don't want to go to sleep after sex, then having sex would be using her as an object. Thoughts?
submitted by throwrasleepsex to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 16:55 Maintenance-Complete Cybercracker Reviews; Is Cybercracker.net Legit?

Cybercracker Reviews; Is Cybercracker.net Legit?
Are you tired of fake hackers for hire services? Check out Verified-Hackers. Finding a professional and legitimate hacker can be difficult, but Verified-Hackers solves this problem for you.
Cybercracker.net Review:
Judging from the first page search results for Review of Cybercracker (cybercracker.net reviews), the website doesn't seem to be very trustworthy. The information is available online for all to see. Let us take a closer look at the results showing for Cybercracker.net Reviews. The first result is this Trustpilot Review;
"CyberCracker.net is a Scam
I have been hired cybercracker for hacking website. I was suspect them was a scam when the PIC still asking me the proof of payment on bitcoin while I am sending the Txid to them. This is so unprofessional.
After 1 week, when I started to get progress from them, they just send an automatic message "Yes, I'm still working on it" and no more further reply. I decided to wait another week and they still reply to the same message to me.
So end up I decided to request a refund, they straight away ignore my email.
So just want to leave this review which to alert others that I been cheat and scam for 300USD"
However, according to IsLegitSite, the results are broken down and more detailed as follows;
Cybercracker Review Report Summary
Potentially Legit Maybe the website has not much traffic but seems safe.
Here is why we made this classification:
WOT Trust Rating Check Cybercracker.net trust rating on WOT database: Unknown: Not Yet Rated WOT is a browser add-on used by millions of users to rate websites and online shops. If the site has a bad WOT trust rating it means someone had a bad experience. If your website has a bad rating, ask WOT to review your site. Check the scorecard report on WOT How do I request a site review? Website Blacklist Cybercracker.net blacklisted? Check the blacklist report on islegitsite.com. We scan the website with multiple domain blacklists to better find out if it is malicious. A blacklisted website may be implicated in malware or spam activities. Domain Creation Date Check when Cybercracker.net domain was created: The domain name was created 8 months ago (from the time of writing this article). A shopping website created less than 4 months ago (also from the time of writing this article) is too new and potentially suspicious. If a domain name is too "young" we may have not enough details to judge it. I would not buy goods from an online shop created a few months ago. HTTPS Connection Check if Cybercracker.net uses HTTPS: The website uses a valid HTTPS (SSL) connection.
https://preview.redd.it/8fi6qzi2n1a51.png?width=541&format=png&auto=webp&s=af94075ee63fa99d5a600da497653cd5a88a86ff
An online business that handle payments and sensitive user information must use HTTPS. The HTTPS connection assures that all the traffic between you and the website is encrypted. Personal websites (such as blogs, portfolios, etc) do not need HTTPS connection. I would not buy goods from an online shop that has no HTTPS connection. Website Popularity Check how much Cybercracker.net is popular: The website should have a good traffic. The website is ranked #532,369 among millions of other websites according to Alexa traffic rank. Alexa is the most popular service used to rank websites based on their traffic and pageviews. If the rank is less than 500K the site has a lot of traffic, less than 5M it has some traffic, more than 15M not much. If the rank is 0 it means the website has no traffic according to Alexa data.
https://preview.redd.it/day1kca7n1a51.png?width=340&format=png&auto=webp&s=921bff34cdf99a2b6c3f72a11ddf79aa09efdc5c
Recommendations
Here is what you should check:
  • Check the website reviews on TrustPilot or even dark web
  • Validate if the website is a certified site by McAfee SECURE
  • Query the information database to find the domain owner
  • Search for website discussions on forum such as Reddit
  • Check if the website has a valid telephone and email address
  • Before buying something contact the website via email
  • I would avoid shopping sites that use free emails (i.e hotmail)
  • A social media hack should fit into your credit card, right?
  • Make sure the shopping website uses HTTPS connection
  • Check if the website has a Facebook or social profile
Read Comments Write useful comments including proofs and detailed information. We may delete comments that doesn't include proofs.
Is Cybercracker Legit? Is Cybercracker.net a Scam?
The information we have available so far doesn't proof enough whether Cybercracker is actually a scam website or a legit website. But from all indications, it doesn't look like a website that can be fully trusted. So how can you successfully hire a hacker online when you need one?
Hire a Hacker; Hire a Verified-Hacker
Since hiring a hacker can be a quite strenuous and tricky process, especially when it is difficult to tell a real hacker from a fake hacker. There has to be a need for an independent regulatory body who coordinates and regulates the activities of these hackers, to ensure they deliver the requested service to the clients' expectation and satisfaction. This important void has now been filled, thanks to Verified-Hackers.
Verified-Hackers is a platform that connects people who want to hire hackers, to professional and legit hackers that can be trusted. Verified-Hackers platform ensures that the consumeclient looking to hire a hacker is well protected. First, all the hackers on the platform are certified ethical hackers. In addition to the CEH certification, all hackers also had to undergo series of rigorous tests and screening exercises.
Apart from the above listed, the platform also allows room for feedback from clients. This simply means a client is able to report a hacker if they are not satisfied with the service. www.Verified-Hackers.com will then carry out an investigation, ensuring the client get what he wants. And finally, there is escrow protection.
submitted by Maintenance-Complete to u/Maintenance-Complete [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 15:08 gringachilena Boyfriend has slept with almost all his female friends

Hi everyone, I'm a 30F and my boyfriend is 32M. We met about six months ago and clicked immediately. We had both been single for a while (about 3+ years for both of us) and it has been an amazing experience meeting each other. Even if it sounds corny, it really feels like true love.
To summarize my experience before meeting him: single, working, living with roommates in the city, going out, casually dating with either people my friends tried to hook me up with or through dating apps. I had sex with some of them, some not. All in all normal. Some of these dates became my friends other's didn't. I tell you this to contextualize that I have no moral dillema or experience barrier with the issue at hand. So, as I said earlier, I met this amazing man six months ago, who I love and respect very much. The great thing is that he feels the same way about me, he introduced me to his family, we're making plans and are truly happy.
So, he has an old group of best friends from uni, they hang out alot (alot) and have a long history. In the group there are like 5 women, three of whom were my boyfriend's lovers at some point in time. One of them being his regular "sex buddy" at the time we met. He never dated any of them "formally". He confessed one of them had a boyfriend but they would still meet in secret to have sex. He said he was embarrased by his behavior, since he knew his friend's boyfriend well and kind of lied to his face for a few years. He of course stopped any sexual activity with them since our relationship started. He was honest with this information and I appreciate it. I'm friends with some of my former lovers too, and he knows it, but they are not in my group of best friends at all.
Of course I don't have an issue with him having former sexual partners before me, but them being so regular in his life and close, kind of makes me feel weird. I don't know if it's insecurity or being immature or taking this info the wrong way. But my stomach feels tight and I feel sad when we hang out with them. I recognize that my boyfriend is a really good looking guy and sweet, he reminds me of Marshall from HIMYM, for being tall, funny and smart. He's quite a catch. A part of me feels his friends kind of used him for sex, but maybe that's just me being silly cause he's not an idiot. When we hang out, l feel them looking at me wondering if I know they've slept with him and I (I feel)see them trying to catch his eye in a sort of complicity.
I've been honest with him about how I feel and he understands. He says that if I'm uncomfortable we don't have to hang out with them, that he doesn't talk or chat with them regularly anymore because he understands boundaries, and that he would not lose what we have over them. He offers not to invite them to the next bbq or get together, but I say no to that since don't want to be that person. I say I'm ok, and I feel good if he's near and we sit closer to other friends.
What do you think? Have you had a similar experience? Do you think it's right to feel this way? Are there any tools to feel less sad or insecure? Should I take him on his offer? Do you think his friends see me as someone who took away their go-to friend for sex? I don't know if I'm asking the right questions, just want to share my experience and feelings with strangers online to get some insight. Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading!
submitted by gringachilena to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 14:15 removalbot 07-10 12:15 - 'Switched from Windows 10 to Manjaro, never been happier' (self.linux) by /u/ForShotgun removed from /r/linux within 5201-5211min

'''
Well, alright, at various points in my life I may have been more pleased, but Windows has been losing my support for years one small nitpick at a time. Just wanted to share the change for whoever cares.
I switched to Manjaro-Gnome and never looked back.
I never knew how much bloat Windows had until I switched over. This is so damn nice. I don't know why I didn't consider Linux as a serious alternative until recently. Steam Proton has also come a long, long way, I haven't had issues with a game yet.
Anyways, I just wanted to rant, and I'm probably going to install an Manjaro-xfce on a bunch of old laptops.
'''
Switched from Windows 10 to Manjaro, never been happier
Go1dfish undelete link
unreddit undelete link
Author: ForShotgun
submitted by removalbot to removalbot [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 13:23 NeiSennn What's the right thing to do about my(18F) friendship with my best friend(18M)? I'm very paranoid now.

I'm 18(F) and my best friend is also 18(M). He's had a girlfriend(18F) for about 4 months now, who is also one of my closest friends. Now I know that this is quite a frequent issue when it comes to relationships and understandable trust issues, but I just need some clarity cause my mind is jumping a thousand places right now. I know that he'll have to prioritize his relationship and I have absolutely no problem with that. But right now I am conflicted as to where I should draw the line. Here is some prior information that you should know. let's call my best friend Andy and my friend (his girlfriend) Alice.
The three of us met in boarding school, and Andy and I became best friends. Alice and I also became close about a year later, at about the same time she got close to Andy. Now Andy has a very severe fear of abandonment (he sees a therapist for this) and it takes him a LOT to open up to someone. I also have a rather prickly history when it comes to trusting people and therefore it was quite something when people like us became very close and opened up to one another. At the time we were at the peak of our friendship, Andy was in love with a girl from back home, and I was dating his roommate. So no question of feelings for one another there. As time passed, I was dumped by my boyfriend who left me for my roommate (yeah I know) and Andy moved on from his love cause she hurt him. I still haven't fully moved on from my relationship as of today, and I used to talk to Andy about him all the time (still do). At one point, before he started dating Alice, Andy once told me he had feelings for me. While we still remained friends, I unknowingly distanced myself from him because I was scared that I was giving him mixed signals without knowing I was. He told me this was not the case but the distance grew slowly. until something happened that broke it. February 22 this year, one of our closest friends committed suicide. she was very close to both Andy and me and had attempted killing herself once in the past. During that first scare, she only told both of us what she was planning to do to herself. we were scared out of our wits but together we called some higher-ups and begged for them to get her help. We were still very traumatized but glad that she was still alive. We got through it together and that brought us closer together, but this year as she quietly took her life without telling anyone, we both shattered. And shortly after the incident, I couldn't talk to Andy because I've always had this motherly protective instinct over him. And i wanted to help him and give him some strength but being in such a terrible dark headspace myself, I knew i would only depress him more by the things I said. (a lot of self-hate, guilt, and self-blame. wouldn't have helped him). this broke both of us.
eventually, we started talking properly again and got even closer having gone through the unimaginable together. About a month and a half later he began dating Alice. I did what I knew would have to happen, which was to slowly take a step back and let her be that protective one and take priority everything. no hard feelings at all.
then his fear of abandonment started kicking in heavily again and I didn't know what to do. when things were fine, Alice would come and confide in me about how she sometimes feels insecure about Andy cause he once had feelings for me. I reassure her every time but at the same time, I understand where she is coming from. I would never want to put her in the place I was in when my boyfriend started becoming too close to my roommate who was very dear to me. That feels terrible and you can feel it creep in knowing there's nothing you can do to stop it. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
So this situation with Alice makes me feel very very paranoid about everything with Andy. I don't know what the line is. we talk everyday cause he talks to all his best friends every day. We have spoken about how we should talk less and about how it doesn't affect our bond and he understands. So now we don't really talk as much or do as many things together. If he calls me for 30 minutes, he calls her for 3 hours. it works that way and I'm okay with it. but sometimes Alice still gets insecure and lashes out and I still get paranoid. Today, after ages, Andy and I watched a show online together. my sister(who i don't really tell too much) noticed and she said "this is why Alice and you aren't close. you're cheating with Andy." She said it lighthearted but maaaan that really hit me. I was hurt but at once all my paranoia came back and i was just baffled. She then said "wow that really struck a chord with you huh". And i just didn't know what to say. When i tried to say something about it and explain the situation, she told me to take her advice and not try to counter her. (DW I'm used to this. Older siblings, amirite?)
but either way, the paranoia is back and strong and I really don't know what to do. More distanced than this and he will begin feeling abandoned again.
I appreciate any advice you have to offer. :)
TLDR: I’m a girl and my best friend is a Male. His girlfriend is also one of my closest friends but I’ve had this friendship with them both long before they dated. She feels insecure and I feel paranoid, and he has severe fear of abandonment.
submitted by NeiSennn to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 12:33 min9990 and thats on misogyny ! i hate psychiatrists

had an apt today where the doctor wanted me to make a huge reduction in meds and then told me she expected me to become very depressed in 2-3 months, bc that happens to her patients that should be medicated. my goal is to be off medication completely and i want to taper slowly so i can AVOID having some big reaction. of FUCKING course i am going to have a bad reaction if the jump is too extreme. why is she setting me up for failure and telling me what she thinks is inevitable? this med is just supposed to help with depressive symptoms and it hasnt so i dont want to be on it. perfectly fucking reasonable. i do not have symptoms that have not been improved with drugs bc i have trauma lol. ive given it a good run and it doesnt work for me. its been several apts and she does not respect my goals or reasoning and acts like IM setting myself up for inevitable failure. even tho im the only one in the room looking out for me
she went on to push me to online date even though i explained repeatedly its a preference and i dont like it lmao...and we r in a pandemic. treated me like im abnormal without asking me my dating history (if i had none that wouldnt....indicate anything bad by itself???). and acted like my pretty reasonable reservations about dating men online were unrealistic. last appointment she told me to clean my room for half the appointment (???)...like ok ptsd cured thanks. what the fuck. should have told her off but im not out here trying to get thrown in a psych ward for hurting her stupid feelings
what a fucking waste of time and money. and she’s been one of the more considerate doctors ive seen that at least dont push a bunch of different meds for no reason. ive had several try to prescribe me like 3 diff things upon first meeting with no discussion about therapy or anything. to call psychiatry barely guess work would still be too much lol
im not seeing her again what a joke. stupid thing is i was hugely triggered bc of all the times therapists and psychiatrists have treated me like shit but with a smile. acting like threatening me, dismissing my trauma, seeing my normal thoughts and feelings after being raped as pathological, telling me i would likely be extremely depressed for life, ignoring...just any of my concerns, breaking down and dismissing my experience, is part of treatment and no one to hold them accountable. this time she was just stupid but stupid gets people hurt. to be reminded apt after apt that theres no one looking out for me, and even ppl actively giving me sabotaging “advice” is just exhausting and disheartening. there is no perfect therapeutic relationship, but damn do these ppl even try with me? i always ask myself, what is it about me? when i speak to “professionals” im always left wondering if theyve ever even spoken to another person with respect before
i just feel so alone and broken and like a giant child but i know i deserve better. my parents tell me no pill will cure me and my mom told me she would never take antidepressants if they were offered to her bc shes not stupid (like i am. how dare i try to help my mental health). even tho she okay-ed this when i was a teen lol i know she just feels guilty but shes always taking it out on me and telling me everythings my fault. my dad just told me to tell the doctor what i want and be firm and im like have u ever been a woman dealing with doctors? if they think youre deluded in some way and have a superiority complex theres no changing that. doesnt matter if the doctors a woman theyve all been educated by the same system. does everyone just enjoy kicking me while im down or what
im triggered by being talked down to, ignored, and having my needs and thoughts and opinions ignored in very sensitive situations but who the fuck wouldnt be. im always suspected of being the root of the problem when im just tryin to live
anyways thats on misogyny ! i have some new project supplies coming in the mail and im learning to tell myself that im a whole person that deserves to b treated like one so fuck all this. and im gonna go watch tv and have another cry bc im so tired of this
submitted by min9990 to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 12:16 StarwarsITALY [Relationship] Dating married women

YaReally
on March 9, 2012 at 4:31 am
This is a little over dramatic and controlling but it’s the best for everyone involved in the situation because you’re the one with game who understands the psychology involved in all the balls being juggled in the air.

15 rules to staying safe being the Other Guy:
1) Don’t let the girl know much about you. They generally don’t
know my last name, what I do for a living, my E-Mail address,
Facebook name, anything past my address and phone number.
Even those I wouldn’t give out if I didn’t have to, I’m tempted
to get a second phone number just for chicks since a Google of
it by an angry BF/husband will find all my info. Often I’ll
have them put my name as Julie or something in their phone
too, for prying eyes.

For one night stands I’ll often say my address to the cabby quietly
and when we get to my place, distract them when we’re in the
elevator with a makeout/etc. so they don’t pay attention to
what floor we’re on, and I’ll distract them again as I open the
door so they don’t pay attention to what apartment they’re
going into lol If I’m super paranoid (ie – their guy is a big
jealous dude) I’ll walk them down in the morning and distract
them again in the elevator.

Regular chicks have to know my address because I don’t have a
car, don’t have money for a hotel room, and don’t want to
travel to get laid (not to mention if they live with their
BF/husband I don’t want to shit in his territory), so it’s
necessary for them to know how to get to my place.
One regular fuckbuddy was like “I just realized that if I lost my
phone or my BF made me delete your number or something
I’d have no way to get in touch with you again.” lol

2) Don’t go out in public with her, and if you do, keep things
casual and friendly until you have 100% assurance that her
guy isn’t around, or going to be around, or COULD be around,
and that none of her friends are around. This means passing up
the lay sometimes. Safety first though. Her nosy best friend
comes back from the bathroom and sees the two of you
making out and it’s drama-city and the beautiful secret tryst
you guys had going implodes.

If you’re certain her guy isn’t around (like he’s out of town…if
he’s “out with his boys”, there’s a chance his boys will happen
to decide to drink at the same bar you’re groping his girlfriend
at) and her friends either don’t know him or don’t care if she
cheats (a girl’s BFF will often not care because she’s seen her
friend cheat before and they’re BFFs 4evAR), still be cautious
about it. I like to build the sexual tension by keeping kino
minimal while we blab or dance, but as soon as it’s crowded
enough around us that no one’s paying attention or if the place
is dead enough that I can sneak her into the bathroom, then let
loose. A good one is to set up a roleplay where you pretend not
to know eachother then meet up in the bathroom or outside in
an alley and fuck eachother’s brains out, then go back inside
pretending not to know eachother.

Ideally though, keep things to the bedroom. Have other girls who
aren’t taken that you can go out with or go out with your boys.
This girl is just for sex, she already has a boyfriend she can go
out with.

3) Don’t see her more than once a week. She’ll get attached and
start thinking stupid thoughts about ditching her boy and living
happily ever after with you.

4) Don’t do romantic shit. No watching movies cuddled up
together, no chit-chatting about her day at work. Every
conversation is heavily sexual and every meet-up instantly
turns to sex. Cuddle if you want after so she doesn’t feel like a
slut, but cut it short and let her know it’s time for her to go.
And don’t get sucked up in her drama. She’ll try to get you to
White Knight her a bunch (the correct response to “omg if my
BF found out he’d kill me…he hit me once you know…” is
“when are you coming over?”). You aren’t a part of her world,
you aren’t a part of that drama. Stay away.

5) Dig for as much information on her boy as possible from her. If
you can see her name when he txts, awesome, Google it and
see what you can dig up. If she mentions his job, where he
likes to drink, anything, memorize it. Girls are stupid and
secretly love the drama of almost getting caught so they’ll do
shit like walk you past where their guy works or invite you out
but then when you see her go “my BF came out too sorry
pretend we don’t know eachother” etc. If you find a pic of the
guy online or something, fucking awesome. Might save your
life.

6) It helps if you have a girlfriend yourself, or just let them know
that you’re a player or unavailable for some other reason.
Snuff out any fantasy that you two could be a “thing” beyond
fucking. You are way more attractive than her boy to her
because you’re the sexy mysterious fling side guy, so she’s
going to start picturing that you two could be together if she
just gets caught and her boy leaves her.

7) Call him her “boy” and never call him by his name lol
AMOG/psyche language thing. It just helps re-enforce in her
mind that he’s a “boy” (not a “man”) and avoiding his name
just helps keep you distanced from her world. Like if you went
“so how was Bob’s soccer game?” you might as well be one of
their friends. Distance distance distance.

8) Bitch her out HARDCORE if she slips up at all. Which she
will. Because girls are stupid with this stuff. They don’t realize
that some guys will kill another guy for fucking his girl. They
get off on the drama of almost getting caught or actually
getting caught. So they’ll do stuff like not delete their message
history or txt when they’re in bed with their BF beside them
and just tilt the screen away from him (“sarah’s just telling me
about this guy she met”) etc.

If she fucks up at all, ream her out HARD, even if she doesn’t get
caught. Withdraw emotionally, take away all the fun sexy vibe
you normally give her, act super paranoid and angry like she
doesn’t understand your safety, make her think she’s going to
lose you, then finish it all off with “which would suck ’cause
we have such a good thing going on…I’d hate for it to have to
end ”

You let her slip up once or twice without bitching her out and
she’ll just keep slipping up until she actually gets caught.
10) Don’t ever send her pictures that can identify you. Even if you
guys are sexting or whatever. If you take a pic of your dick to
send her, take it standing in front of a blank wall and make
sure none of the rest of your body is in it, but ideally don’t
even do that. Don’t let her take any pictures of the two of you.
Any sex stuff you record/photograph is done with YOUR
camera/phone, not hers. You are the invisible man.

11) If you guys get into really rough stuff, record her agreeing to
it. Try not to leave bruises/marks she can’t hide. If she goes
home with unexplained marks and can’t hide them and her boy
sees them, she’ll get caught.

12) Use protection. If you pass her an STD and she passes it to her
boy, she’s fucked. If you get her pregnant she’ll tell you that
“you won’t have to worry about it” and if her and her boy’s
relationship is heading toward marriage she’ll have the baby
expecting to get away with him raising it as his own. Cool,
except if the guy gets a paternity test and says “fuck off bitch”
and runs, you are now a dad paying child support for 18 years.
This relates to #13.

13) Understand that she WILL throw you under the bus without
hesitation if shit hits the fan. 100%. It doesn’t matter how
much she likes you, she will ALWAYS put herself first.
ALWAYS. She will tell her boy that she was raped, she will
tell her boy your name and address and everything if he’s
pissed off and demands them. She will lie about how often you
did stuff together. She’ll say you got her drunk and took
advantage of her. She’ll do anything to pass the blame onto
you instead of her so she can try to salvage her relationship.
14) Don’t txt during the weekend or evenings, basically when you
know he could be around. Txting during the day is usually
safer because she’s at work and can txt you with no problems.
Chicks are stupid and if their phone goes “BLEEP BLOOP:
TXT FROM BOB JONES – MSG: Hey sexy what you…” you
risk her boy seeing it.

15) Don’t talk smack about her boy. She’ll bitch to you about him,
and you’ll be tempted to laugh/agree with the stuff she says,
but scold her for it instead or just change the subject. If you
encourage that talk, you’ll encourage her considering leaving
him, and then she’ll break up with the guy, say she loves this
Other Man, and he’ll be hell-bent on finding out who you are
and you’ll have an annoying clingy girl on your ass who’s
expecting you to swoop her up in your arms now that she’s
single and if you don’t, she’s gonna be pissed at you and want
her guy to find you and there you are, under the bus where she
threw you.

I’ve only had one close call with a boyfriend who wanted to kill
me. The rest have no idea I existed and that their
girlfriends/wives did things with me that they’ve begged her to
let them do to her for years.

Ideally you should just go after single girls instead, it’s a lot less
hassle. But when you go for the hotter girls you’ll find that hot
girls almost ALWAYS have a boyfriend or are at least “dating”
someone…they might not even like the guy, they just don’t
want to be seen as weird not having a boyfriend. And there’ll
be a dozen guys who THINK they have dibs on being her
boyfriend. So it’s like, what’s better, play it safe and fuck an
average single girl or take the risk and fuck the really hot one
behind her BFs back?

16) Don’t let her meet your friends or be a part of your social
circle in any way. Your friends are stupid and don’t understand
the situation and what a tightrope you’re walking. They just
literally have no concept that one seemingly okay comment or
action of theirs can set off a butterfly effect that destroys a
marriage, gets the girl killed, gets you killed, removes a father
or mother from their child’s life, etc. like these aren’t pretend
or exaggerated stakes here.

Don’t refer to her by name if you do talk about her to them and if
they were with you when they met her make them delete her
number, tell them to forget about her and that they’ll never see
her again, and if any of them picked up or got a number from
any of her friends, make him delete the number and let him
know that girl is off limits (or back off 100% from your girl,
delete her number and avoid her etc, if you want to let your
friend have his girl).

I’ve had situs where buddies are like “are you bringing Sally out?
Her friend Helga texted me and says they’re gonna be at
ThatBar tonight! We should go there!” and I’ve had to give
him the speech and make him understand the situ and why that
wasn’t going to happen. He already had a girlfriend so the
obvious move was him backing off. If he was hard up for a lay
I’d let him have the friend and back off my girl.

We happened to meet these girls as a group and I knew mine was
taken but he had the best intentions and steamrolled them into
coming back to our place to party after, just trying to wingman
for me. But that just got too many people involved so I had to
play it cool and eventually kick them out. He asked how I
would’ve wanted to handle it instead (he’s learning a bit of
game) and I told him because she was taken I would have just
grabbed her # secretly and arranged a meet via txts with
neither her friends nor mine having any idea we were even
keeping in touch.
submitted by StarwarsITALY to yareally [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 12:08 geyejoe7 The REAL reason some of you might stay single forever.

DISCLAIMER: I do not mean offense, just pointing out the obvious reason why your situation can become stagnant, due to your behaviour.
Make no mistake, if you pass your teen years, get a job at a place where people aren't your age and aren't that relatable to you, and you do the following, you can actually make yourself single forever.
1. Constantly putting yourself down
If you constantly go to incel subs, and try to make yourself the most pathetic guy in the room, to get pity points from other people, you'll start to fully believe yourself. That that is your future, and unchangeable reality.
That can be DETRIMENTAL to your mental health.
2. Being anti-social, and doing nothing about it
Some of you know very well what I'm talking about. Having a bit of social anxiety, and not wanting to talk to people because it makes you uncomfortable.
It's important to break through that shell. And to realize the reason why you're so socially anxious. For me it was bullying. And from what I've read here, for a lot of you was that very reason aswell. But that's not a good reason to isolate yourself from everyone. What matters is to look at people as individuals. And to evaluate if the new people in your life are good for you or not. But not based on previous experiences, but with experiences with those very people.
It's also uncomfortable to go out of your comfort zone. But some of us have to. And it's very, very important to do that.
3. Comparing yourself to Chads
Why do you compare yourselves to those who have it better than you, and how that is unfair? Why would a person that works minimum wage compare themselves to a millionaire? Sure, it might not be fair. But are you going to do something about it? Or are you just going to sit and complain, while your life goes by?
And how everything that counts under self improvement is a "COPE" because Chad doesn't have to do anything and girls come to him...
Like... YEA. WOMEN COME TO HIM. BECAUSE HE HAS THINGS THAT WERE GIVEN TO HIM AT BIRTH.
You need to be better. In all aspects.
4. Pointing at online dating stats, and listening to women, instead of looking at their actions
First of all, dating apps are for dudes that are very handsome. Why? Because 99% of the decision is based on the first picture.
You have no chance to show off your personality. No chance for non-verbal communication.
That cuts off basically all your chances if you're not the greatest looking dude.
5. Saying personality doesn't matter.
This is the most frustrating one. This also comes from comparing yourself to Chads, and clear inexperience in dating.
Just because good looking men don't need as much personality as guys that aren't that handsome, doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It only means it matters LESS FOR THEM.
You, as a below average/average looking dude need to understand that your personality is the greatest determining factor in getting a girlfriend.
Sure, being nice won't get you laid. But hookups mostly happen to very physically attractive men. Because physical attraction is the thing that'll reel them in the fastest. And sexual attraction will be high then. So sex is more likely to occur.
However, if you're looking for a relationship, you definitely need a good personality. You need to win a girl over, over time. It's not gonna happen instantly. It'll happen gradually.
Yes, there are exceptions, like criminals, psychopaths, etc. getting married. But that is nowhere near the majority.
6. Using excuses to explain relationships where the man isn't as good looking as the woman.
Scenario: The dude is 5'8", a bit overweight, doesn't dress like anything special, carries himself like any other dude. And has a cute, 7/10 gf.
Newsflash. Most dudes in happy relationships are nothing special looking. But if you meet them, I'll bet they're some of the nicest dudes you'll ever meet. And that's why they're married/in a relationship.
submitted by geyejoe7 to IncelsWithoutHate [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 11:42 InternetFreedomIn From, "sheer suddenness" to sustained deliberation. A letter to the IT Standing Committee.

From,

https://preview.redd.it/scbsxbcd30a51.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=830a5df8d0abbb154e2f8d917be8b0c3ef3fb5a8

tl;dr

Over the past few months proceedings of the IT Standing Committee despite good faith efforts have been disrupted due to the pandemic. As it looks towards holding a hearing on July 14, 2020 we bring to its notice our prior correspondence and the backlog of issues that merit extensive deliberation. We further indicate issues that merit urgent attention such as website blocking (of DuckDuckGo or Reddit), internet shutdowns and facial recognition technology.

Let us reject, "sheer suddenness"

We have been corresponding with the Parliamentary Standing Committee on Information Technology. It plays a vital role in our parliamentary democracy that is increasingly digital. This is evident through the sheer breadth of issues we have highlighted in the past and are presented in a tabular form below.
Date Subject and context Link
18.09.2019 Intial letter citing the topics pending from the prior committee which includes the report on Net Neutality. Also indicates further topics including surveillance reforms, free speech and online abuse, disinformation and making large platforms accountable. Click Here
23.10.2019 Issues to be put to MEITY include committee on non-personal data, process on the draft intermediary rules and the cambridge analytica investigation Click Here
20.11.2019 Letter on the issues due to the Pegasus and NSO Spware Scandal and concerns around the cyber security of activists, civil society and human rights defenders Click Here
08.05.2020 Letter on the need to hold hearings on data privacy and security issues due to contact tracing applications including Aarogya Setu. Click Here
04.06.2020 Follow-up letter on with updated analysis and questions which arose specifically on Aarogya Setu. This goes beyond the madatory and voluntary nature, towards concerning issues of a potential digital health stack. Click Here
23.06.2020 Letter containing the breaches to our cyber security including the revelation of sensitive personal data including Aadhaar details and further investigations revealing growth of spearfishing attack firms and targets within India. Click Here
Today, we sent a letter to the IT Standing Committee with a brief of these prior issues many of which are pending consideration and reject the temptation of ad-hocism. Our larger ask is for regular sittings so the proper role of oversight over especially the Ministry of Electronics and IT and the Department of Telecom can be played by it.

Better foresight, not, "unexpected nature".

To better consider more urgent issues, better foresight and planning is needed in four vital areas. While some of them fall within pending topics such as, "Citizens Privacy and Security" there is need to do more as informed by our work over the past few months. This will help evidence based and considered policy making responses within legislation.
  • Issue 1: Growth of mass surveillance
After consistent follow up, we were able to obtain through the Right to Information the bulk requisition of CDRs of telecom subscribers in various telecom circles. As per a letter of concern by telecom operators through an industry association this would impact every subscriber including high public functionaries including High Court and Supreme Court judges and Parliamentarians. All of this correspondence is contained on the following link.
  • Issue 2: Indiscriminate website blocking
Second, the blocking of websites is being done in an increasingly arbitrary manner as evidenced through the following documentation below. This is among other things a net neutrality violation but also an uncanalised and secretive use of powers under the Information Technology Act, the Telegraph Act and the UA Licenses. These include, block on the popular file sharing service WeTransfer dated June 09, 2020 (link); blocking of “Chinese apps” dated July 1, 2020 (link); blocking of the privacy focussed search engine DuckDuckGo dated July 2, 2020 (link). We are at present receiving alarming reports on the SaveTheInternet inconsistent blocking of the social networking platform Reddit and New York Times.
  • Issue 3: Illegal and unregulated State use of facial recognition technology
The growth of growth of facial recognition technology in India is reaching alarming proportions. Much of this use is illegal and not sanctioned by law. It’s widespread use in policing is a matter of concern and undermines the democractic guarantees and fundamental rights guaranteed by the Constitution. We have tangibly demonstrated this through its use by the Delhi Police as available in a recent public post dated July 3, 2020.
  • Issue 4: Reforming and examining the constitutional basis of Internet Shutdowns
The Committee may consider the absence of reform of the process and power on Internet Shutdowns as per a assurances to bring it in compliance with the Supreme Court’s Judgement in Anuradha Bhasin v. Union of India. This springs not only from the directions of the Hon’ble Supreme Court and an assurance by the Minister of State for Communications stated in Rajya Sabha on 06 February 2020 in response to a parliamentary question. More information on this is included with our correspondence to the proper government ministries as per this public update dated April 4, 2020.
We promise to continue engaging with all government and state institutions in good faith to advance these objectives. To us Parliamentary Committees hold special promise. We hope the meeting on July 14, 2020 leads not only to an informed interaction with the Ministry of Electronics and IT but also as an opportunity to consider issues past, present and future.

Important Documents

  1. Our letter to the Standing Committee on Information Technology on Substantive issues which merit detailed examination including, “Citizens Data Security and Privacy” dated July 10, 2020 (link)
  2. A letter on cyber-security to the Standing Committee on IT [link]
  3. Committee on IT : Get up! Stand up, for our privacy rights! [link]
submitted by InternetFreedomIn to india [link] [comments]


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